LostBook
by LostInLost18
Summary: Imagine if our characters had access to this internet phenomenon! Would the poking wars ever stop? Would the endless random statuses ever stop? Who would interact and what would they have to say? Enjoy!
1. Plane Crashes & Poke Wars

**LostBook**

_Poke Wars & Plane Crashes_

**Jack Shepherd **is now friends with **Kate Austen **and six others.

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **is wondering why he's not one of these six friends **Jack Shepherd **has added.

**Jack Shepherd **likes this.

**Charlie Pace - Jack Shepherd -** How can you like this? You're not one of my friends. Hintedy hint hint…

**Jack Shepherd - Charlie Pace **- I'm new at this; give me a break. Maybe you need to fix your privacy settings? Also…are you always this needy and clingy?

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **is now friends with **Jack Shepherd. **

**Charlie Pace - Jack Shepherd **- Yes. But thanks for the add anyway! See you later, trek bud!

**Jack Shepherd **is regretting adding **Charlie Pace **as a facebook friend.

**Kate Austen **is now friends with **Charlie Pace **and six others.

**Shannon Rutherford **has listed **Boone Carlyle **as her brother. 

**Shannon Rutherford - **is currently in a plane crash. Hope my nails don't suffer! Lol!

**Boone Carlyle **is currently stalking people's profiles and wondering why nobody has added him yet. :(

**Shannon Rutherford **is now friends with **Sayid Jarrah **and six others.

**Sayid Jarrah **has poked **Sawyer. **

**Sawyer - Sayid Jarrah -** What the hell man? You asking to get your ass whooped again? You…terrorist.

**Sayid Jarrah - Sawyer - **Come back when you have better comebacks…redneck.

**Hugo Reyes **likes this comment.

**Charlie Pace **likes this comment.

**The Monster **is now friends with **John Locke **and three others.

**Jack Shepherd **is wondering how the monster can have facebook. Come to think of it, how do we all have facebook? How is it possible?

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd **- Don't question it, Jack. It's all happening for a reason.

**Rose Henderson **has set her current relationship status to married. 

**Claire Littleton **is now friends with **Charlie Pace **and eight others.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- Hey, preggers. Thanks for the add! Want a creepy stalker for the next three months?

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace -** Hey! No problem. Er… not sure about the stalker thing. That blanket thing was pretty cool though. You're profile pic is cool though. Want me to do your charts?

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- No thanks, love. I don't like future crap like that. Thanks anyway!

**Desmond Hume **dislikes this.

**Desmond Hume **is now friends with **The Button **and **The Hatch. **

**John Locke **can walk! :)

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke **- Er, so can the rest of us, John! I've not seen you around yet. Were you even in this plane crash?

**Ethan Rom **likes this.

**Ethan Rom **is now friends with **Claire Littleton. **

**Ethan Rom - Claire Littleton** - I dig pregnant chicks.

**Charlie Pace **has set his relationship status to being in an open relationship with **Claire Littleton.**

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- What? We're not in a relationship! Change it!

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- That Ethan guy's comment creeps me out. Besides, I'll change it later once he stops being all…creepy.

**Claire Littleton **has set her relationship status to single.

**Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Ethan Rom **likes this.

**Michael Dawson **has listed **Walt Lloyd **as his son.

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson **- Who are you? You're not my father!

**Michael Dawson - Walt Lloyd **- WAALLLLT! Why you being like this man?

**Walt Lloyd **is bored.

**John Locke **likes this.

**Walt Lloyd **and **John Locke **are now friends.

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- Wanna come see my Inner Eye?

**Michael Dawson **has listed **John Locke **as his Enemy. 

**John Locke - Michael Dawson **- We can have enemies on this thing? Cool! Oh, and by the way, that was totally rude and completely uncalled for. I hope you end up trapped forever on this island as nothing more than a whisper!

**Walt Lloyd **likes this.

**Michael Dawson - Walt Lloyd **- WAAAALLLLT!

**Kate **has added crime and running to her interests.

**Charlie Pace **has added music and heroin to his interests.

**Sayid Jarrah **is loving the beach! Wanna get tanned so I can impress my Nadia when I get back home.

**Sawyer **- no comment. ^^

**Jack Shepherd **has added spinal surgeon to his list of professions.

**Jack Shepherd **has set his relationship status to divorced.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd - ****Sawyer **- What the hell man? What's your problem? Also…what's up with your name?

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **- Hey! I don't question why you do things! You suck…Jackass!

**Sawyer **and **Kate Austen** are now friends.

**Sawyer - Kate Austen **- I dig you. Wanna have hot jungle sex to piss off the doc?

**Kate Austen - Sawyer **- Er…try no! Maybe later, though. A cage would be kinkier though, just FYI.

**Sawyer - Kate Austen -** Cool. I'll hold you to it. Duly noted about the cage thing.

**Sawyer **has added sex to his list of activities.

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Claire Littleton. **

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Sawyer,**

**Sawyer **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Sawyer. **

**Sawyer **likes the group Why don't we stop this poke war and have sex?

**Charlie Pace - ****Sawyer - **Sending out dirty signals much?

**Hugo Reyes **likes this.

**Sawyer -** **Charlie Pace **- Hey, I calls them how I sees them.

**Hugo Reyes **has added eating to his list of activities.

**Hugo Reyes **and **Charlie Pace **are now friends.

**Walt Lloyd **is still bored, and wonders why people go on facebook when there's not a lot to do.

**John Locke **has sent **Walt Lloyd **an invitation to play Farmville.

**Walt Lloyd **is no longer bored!

**Michael Dawson** and **Charlie Pace **like this.

**Charlie Pace **and **Boone Carlyle **are now friends.

**Boone Carlyle **has his first friend!

**Shannon Rutherford - ****Boone Carlyle **- Yo, Boone! Stop force feeding me chocolate. It's a form of abuse.

**Boone Carlyle - Shannon Rutherford **- I'm surprised you know what that word means. Excuse me for caring.

**Boone Carlyle **has added stalking and lurking to his interests.

**Sayid Jarrah **has poked **Rose Henderson.**

**Rose Henderson **has poked **Sayid Jarrah.**

**Sayid Jarrah - Rose Henderson **- S'up?

**Rose Henderson - Sayid Jarrah **- You talking to me 'cause I'm black, or 'cause you've got no one else to talk to?

**Sayid Jarrah - Rose Henderson** - Both, but you're got the whole lonely thing going on and I'm just trying to be friendly. :)

**Shannon Rutherford - Boone Carlyle **- You're mean! :( I thought you loved me.

**Boone Carlyle **likes the group it's cool, I wanted you to ruin my day anyway..

**Shannon Rutherford **likes the group Love, you've got more STDs than GCSEs

**Boone Carlyle **likes having inadvertent group wars!

**Charlie Pace, Jack Shepherd **and six others like this.

**Rose Henderson **misses her husband.

**Walt Lloyd **has added hunting for Vincent to his interests.

**Michael Dawson **has added hunting for Walt to his interests.

**Kate **is now friends with **Edward Mars. **

**Edward Mars - Kate Austen **- Just because I'm lying on my back, dying, doesn't mean I cannot harass you on the book of faces!

**Kate Austen - Edward Mars **- Fail.

**Charlie Pace **has added stalking and wearing hoodies to his interest.

**Charlie Pace **is cold. Bloody cold.

**The Monster **RAWWWWRRRRRRRR! :)

**Kate Austen - The Monster **- You won't be roaring for long! We'll find out what you really are in six or more seasons! Ha!

**Charlie Pace **likes the group Driveshaft.

**Sawyer **likes the group Suckshaft. 

**Charlie Pace - Sawyer **- That is so not cool!

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace **- Deal with it, squirt.

**Desmond Hume **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **and** Desmond Hume **are now friends.

**Charlie Pace - Desmond Hume **- Thanks for the add. Do I know you?

**Desmond Hume - Charlie Pace - **No, but you will. You will.

**Desmond Hume **has set his relationship status to It's Complicated. 

**Claire Littleton **has added astrology and the beach to her interests.

**Ethan Rom **digs pregnant chicks. That is all.

**Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Claire Littleton - **Aw, aren't you a sweetie?

**Charlie Pace - ****Shannon Rutherford** - Wanna hook up?

**Shannon Rutherford - ****Charlie Pace - **If it'll piss my brother off, then yes!

**Charlie Pace **has changed his relationship status to in a relationship with **Shannon Rutherford.**

**Shannon Rutherford **has set her relationship status to in a relationship with **Charlie Pace. **

**Boone Carlyle - Shannon Rutherford** - WTF? :

**Claire Littleton **is in a relationship with **Ethan Rom.**

**Charlie Pace** is no longer sure about anything. Off to do some drugs.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Kate Austen **is really Jack Shepherd, who's only sharing her account because he's locked himself out of his.

**Sawyer **and 12 others like this.

**Kate Austen **misses having her space…

**Edward Mars **likes this.

**Hugo Reyes **likes the word 'dude'.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes - **Have at least _some_ interesting statuses, Porkpie!

**Sawyer **likes the group secretly giving people nicknames so they don't know you talk about them.

**Hugo Reyes - Sawyer **- It's hardly a secret with you!

**Sawyer - ****Hugo Reyes** - Shut it, Babar!

**Kate Austen** wishes she could remember Jack's password…

**Kate Austen **is currently beating Jack up for facebook raping her!

**Kate Austen - Kate Austen **- It's not facebook rape, Kate! I just miss facebook already. I don't even know why I logged out…

**Kate Austen - Kate Austen** - You do realise this looks like I'm having a conversation with myself don't you?

**Sawyer **and **Edward Mars** likes this.

**Jack Shepherd **is back online! Woo! I fixed it!

**Sawyer **dislikes this.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **- So, what was your password then, doc? SuperDoc815 or something?

**Jack Shepherd Sawyer **- DAMN IT!

**Jack Shepherd **has poked **Sawyer**.

**A.n Ok this is just a trial. If people don't like it, I'll take it down but I just thought it would be funny to see what the lost characters would be like had they access to a certain internet phenomenon. There will be more to come should this prove to be a success but, if not, it was fun to write! Oh and I am aware facebook has no dislike button but it should. **


	2. Group Wars & Girl Troubles

_Group Wars & Girl Troubles_

**Jack Shepherd **is now friends with **Boone Carlyle.**

**Boone Carlyle **- **Jack Shepherd** - About flipping time! I got you pens, man!

**Jack Shepherd **has removed **Boone Carlyle** from his friend's list.

**Boone Carlyle** is unhappy.

**Boone Carlyle **likes the group YOU SCHLAAAAAG 

**Jack Shepherd **likes the group STFU **Boone Carlyle. **

**Kate Austen **likes this.

**Kate Austen **has created the group RIP Edward Mars 

**Jack Shepherd **has joined the group RIP Edward Mars

**Edward Mars** is currently chilling with Jesus.

**Kate Austen **and three others like this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton** - So…saw you by the sea yesterday. You looked pretty pregnant. Very pregnant in fact. Hot.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace - **Are you high or something? Or is that your weird idea of a compliment?

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton** - It was a compliment. Being pregnant is very becoming of you.

**Sawyer **has poked **Charlie. **

**Sawyer - Charlie **- I've poked you on the grounds that your dismal attempt at flirting with a woman is both laughable and pathetic. Boone could do better.

**Boone Carlyle **likes this.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- Thanks, I guess. Thanks for fetching me water anyway. You were very sweet. :)

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- No problem, love. Just wanted to keep you both safe.

**Sayid Jarrah **is currently staring at the sea. It's very blue.

**Hugo Reyes **and seven others like this.

**Sawyer **dislikes this.

**Sayid Jarrah **has poked **Sawyer.**

**Danielle Rousseau **has joined facebook.

**Boone Carlyle **and **Danielle Rousseau **are now friends.

**Danielle Rousseau - Boone Carlyle **- Where is Alex? Also, why have you added me? I do not know you.

**Boone Carlyle - Danielle Rousseau** - I don't know about Alex, but I need as many friends as I can get. I love your display pic. Is that a bird's nest?

**Danielle Rousseau - Boone Carlyle **- That is my hair.

**Boone Carlyle - Danielle Rousseau **- Oh. My bad.

**Danielle Rousseau **is currently looking for her sixteen year old baby. WHERE IS MY ALEX?

Facebook suggests **Danielle Rousseau **tries the Friend Finder.

**Danielle Rousseau** is searching for Alex via this facebook friend finder thing. How many people called Alex are there?

**Shannon Rutherford **is currently searching for a four letter word for 'I don't care'.

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Charlie Pace - Shannon Rutherford** - Hey, babe. Saw you sunbathing earlier. You looked hot.

**Shannon Rutherford - Charlie Pace - **Yeah? And your point is?

**Charlie Pace **- **Shannon Rutherford **- Just paying you a compliment, babe. Is it just me or can you see fireflies everywhere? Ha…

**Charlie Pace **is highhhhhhhh.

**Leslie Arzt - Charlie Pace - **Young man, that word 'high' has too many Hs in it! This is what I hate about your generation. You have no respect for the beautiful English language…

Scroll down for more of Leslie Artz's insufferable rant.

**Charlie Pace - Leslie Arzt **- Leslie? Is that actually your name? Boy, your parents must've hated you! And also…shut up!

**Leslie Arzt - Charlie Pace **- Humph.

**Sawyer - Leslie Arzt **- Why are you even on Facebook if you can't hack a little slang there, House?

**Leslie Arzt - Sawyer **- It seems that, to generate any attention whatsoever, I have to join this social networking site just to achieve that. I know you all have your cliques, and that's fine, but there are other people you know.

**Ethan Rom **likes this.

**Sawyer **has poked **Leslie Arzt. **

**Leslie Arzt **feels that we have all devolved into robotic poking monkeys and is not impressed! I'm off to collect spiders…

**John Locke **- **Walt Lloyd **- Wanna hear a secret, Walt?

**Walt Lloyd - John Locke** - Oh, do I!

**Michael Dawson - Walt Lloyd **- I just noticed something, Walt. According to the rules, you have to be at least thirteen to join up! You're eight!

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson **- I'm ten! And I lied about my age. Duh!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Walt Lloyd **has listed **John Locke **as his Uncle. 

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- Aw, that's sweet, kid. What's your father doing? It looks like he's running towards someone…ARGH! Gotta go!

**Charlie Pace, Jack Shepherd **and six others like this.

**Shannon Rutherford - Charlie Pace **- Sorry, I missed your last post. I was having my hair done by this nice polar bear. Are you high? Oh, btw - which means by the way, by the way - I've decided you're not good enough to aggravate my brother. I'm thinking about going after that hot soldier guy? Yeah. Sorry. Sucks to be you.

**Charlie Pace **is now single.

**Shannon Rutherford **has set her relationship status to It's Complicated. 

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- You ok?

**Jack Shepherd **- **Charlie Pace **- Sorry, brother. Love sucks.

**Ethan Rom **likes this.

**Ethan Rom **likes the group Trying to resist the urge to write sarcastic comments on peoples' statuses.

**Charlie Pace **likes the group Oh just PISS off! 

**Ethan Rom **likes the group you're about as pointless as window two at a Mr Kluck's drive thru

**Hugo Reyes **likes this.

**Hugo Reyes **has added chicken to his list of interests.

**Charlie Pace **thinks some people are so shallow and knows he's better than them so is going to celebrate that by having some quiet jungle time with his new best friend - Hero In. Lol.

**Shannon Rutherford **likes the group seeing someone's status and knowing exactly who they're talking about.

**Hugo Reyes **-** Charlie Pace** - Who's Hero In? Is that a real person?

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer - Kate Austen** - Want some hot cage sex now?

**Kate Austen - Sawyer **- No. Sexist pig!

**Jack Shepherd **likes this.

**Sawyer **- :(

**Kate Austen** has tagged **Jack Shepherd **and **Charlie Pace **in her album First Trek

**Charlie Pace - Kate Austen** - As if these are up! When did you take these?

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen** - Do I always look so…serious?

**Kate Austen - Charlie Pace** - Well I wasn't going to miss out on capturing our first bonding session! Sorry they're mostly of me and Jack. You were being 'sick' if I remember correctly.

**Kate Austen - Jack** - Yes, Jack. That is your natural look.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen** - B'aww. That sucks.

**Kate Austen **has added taking photos of scarring events to her interests.

**Danielle Rousseau **is now friends with **Sayid Jarrah **and six others.

**Danielle Rousseau **is confused by all this technology.

**Sayid Jarrah - Danielle Rousseau **- I recommend Amazon dot com. Buy a hairbrush!

**Sun Kwon **has joined facebook.

**Jin Kwon **has joined facebook.

**Sun Kwon **hates using translator Google, as it up mixes everything.

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon -** SHIRT YOUR BUTTON UP!

**Sawyer **and **Michael Dawson **like this.

**Claire Littleton - Sun Kwon **- Hey, Sun! Thanks for those herbs you gave me for my pregnancy. They were wonderful.

**Jin Kwon **has added not understanding people and random acts of aggression to his list of activities.

**Jack Shepherd - Jin Kwon **- DO. YOU. NEED. ANY. WATER?

**Jin Kwon - Jack Shepherd - **I am Korean, not deaf.

**Charlie Pace **has created an album Island Times. 

**Charlie Pace **has tagged **Claire Littleton **and **Hugo Reyes **in the album Island Times.

**Claire Littleton **dislikes this.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- Remove that one of me on the beach. I look so fat.

**Sawyer **and seven others like this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- Well, being pregnant does have that effect on you.

**Claire Littleton **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Claire Littleton - Ethan Rom - **What happened to you defending me?

**Claire Littleton - Ethan Rom - **Where the hell are you? I've not seen you all day! Don't mess with me - I've got hormones!

**Claire Littleton - Ethan Rom **- I've been patient and given you three minutes to answer and you are taking the PEE! Reply within the next five minutes or you're dumped!

**Claire Littleton **is now single.

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Claire Littleton **hates men!

**Kate Austen **and **Shannon Rutherford **like this.

**Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Hugo Reyes **is listening to TUNEEEEEESS.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes -** That's all well and good, Snuffy, but the dancing is just uncalled for!

**John Locke **likes this.

**Ana Lucia, Mr Eko, Libby **and three others have joined facebook.

**Ana Lucia **is now friends with **Jack Shepherd.**

**Kate Austen** dislikes this.

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia - **Who are y'all? Never heard of ya.

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer **- We're your worst nightmare…OTHERS! Ha, ha, just kidding. I'm a bitch. I'm guessing you're the jerk of the group?

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia **- Yeah, Hotlips. That'd be me. Want kinky jungle sex?

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer **- Sure.

**Ana Lucia **has set her relationship status to in a fling.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Kate Austen - Sawyer **- Fine then. But you won't get any hot jungle action from me.

**Sawyer - Kate Austen** - What? No fair! How are you calling the shots anyway? Are you Mrs Hero or something?

**Kate Austen** has changed her name to **Kate 'Mrs Hero' Austen. **

**Sawyer - Kate 'Mrs Hero' Austen **- Fine. If you're gonna do that then…

**Sawyer **has changed his name to **Crap Bag.**

**Kate 'Mrs Hero' Austen - Crap Bag **- That's real mature, Sawyer! You can't just change your name like that!

**Jack Shepherd - Crap Bag** - Finally. A name to suit your personality.

**Everyone **likes this.

**Crap Bag **has changed his name to **Sawyer. **

**Kate 'Mrs Hero' Austen** has changed her name to **Kate Austen.**

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia -** Sorry, Ana Lulu. Prefer psychotic fugitives to sexy, mysterious jungle bitches.

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer **- It's cool. I prefer sexy, mysterious doctors to wild haired, sarcastic southerners. :)

**Ana Lucia **is now single.

**Kate Austen - Ana Lucia** - Bitch.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**A/n: **Ha, ha, never knew I'd get the response that I did! Wow, you guys are awesome! The Others will be incorporated soon, I promise, although I can't imagine what Ben will do on it - Cough, Stalk Juliet, Cough - he-he. I wanted to include the Tailies though and the next chapter will feature a bit more of them, plus more of one very confused French lady. Keep reviewing it makes me smile and write more soon! To quote Charlie, hintedy hint hint… lol!


	3. Quizzes & Quirky Quotes

_Quizzes && Quirky Quotes_

**Benjamin Linus **and six others have joined facebook.

**Benjamin Linus **is now friends with **Juliet Burke** and six others.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- Hey, gawjus. Thanks for accepting my add. ;) Now we can chat online as well as in person. YAY! *claps hands*

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus** - Yeah…seems kind of pointless when we're right next door to each other. And what's with the pointless description of you clapping your hands?

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- I just want you to know what I'm up to, is all. Also, I need to squash that ridiculous rumour that I molest rabbits. I really need to find out who started that so I can send them on a deadly mission like I did Ethan and Goodwin…

**Richard Alpert **likes this.

**Richard Alpert **has set his age to 176.

**Benjamin Linus - Richard Alpert -** I noticed you liked my status, Richard - which isn't an innuendo btw - which leads me to rashly assume you were behind it. Have you anything to say for yourself?

**Richard Alpert - Benjamin Linus** - Only that you're a rabbit molester who has creepy bug eyes. Lol!

**Richard Alpert **is very proud of the fact that he has mastered the use of the word 'Lol'. Lol.

**Goodwin, Mr Friendly **and two others like this.

**Jack Shepherd **has taken the quiz - Which Lost Character Are You Most Like? - and has gotten the result - JOHN LOCKE. 

You are impulsive and stubborn at times, but have complete faith in what you do. You're friendly and helpful when necessary but mostly you are a loner, seeking out and fulfilling your own destiny. You have excellent hunting skills and can definitely be described as a 'man of faith'.

**John Locke **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd** - WHAT? WHAT THE HELL? HOW AM I LIKE LOCKE?

**John Locke **is suddenly in a very, very, very, very good mood. :)

**Claire Littleton **and **Walt Lloyd **like this.

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd **- Aw, bless babe. Maybe the quiz is fixed? Some kind of hoax maybe? Or did you maybe press a wrong answer? Xxx

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **-I find that bedwetting-ly hilarious, Doc. LMFAO! :P

**Jack Shepherd **has listed Sawyer as his enemy.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd** - Harsh. Bitch.

**Ana Lucia **has sent **Mr Eko** an invitation to play Island Ville.

**Mr Eko **is now addicted to the power of the island.

**Ana Lucia **likes this.

**Mr Eko **needs some wood to build a campfire and needs one of you to donate some wood for the cause.

**Ethan Rom** is in the process of dragging two captives through the jungle. It's thirsty work.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen **- You seen Charlie and Claire anywhere? They've not replied to my thirteen quite impatient private messages.

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd **- GASP! I think they've been taken, Jack!

**John Locke - Kate Austen -** Don't steal my line, bitch. I think now's the time we go off into the jungle and rescue them!

**John Locke, Kate Austen **and **Jack Shepherd **are all attending Operation Rescue Pregnant Broad and Junkie.

**Boone Carlyle **likes this.

**Boone Carlyle - John Locke **- Can I comeeeee? I'm not as annoying as Charlie, honest! I can contribute movie and TV show trivia to the trek, and not much else.

**John Locke - Boone Carlyle -** Hm, I dunno. You don't seem like the kind of person I click with but…ok. Why not? It's not like I have anyone better to hang around with…

**Boone Carlyle **is attending Operation Rescue Pregnant Broad and Junkie.

**Libby** is now friends with **Hugo Reyes **and six others.

**Hugo Reyes - Libby **- I hope we meet soon. You look hot. When you do, bring chicken. I like chicken.

**Libby - Hugo Reyes **- I noticed. :) You're dp of Mr Kluck's is a giveaway.

**Hugo Reyes **and **Sawyer **like this.

**Sawyer **has added the limey little runt's guitar to his stash. LMAO. He's gonna be so pissed when he gets back. LOL.

**Boone Carlyle **has added having inappropriate crushes and trekking to his list of activities.

**Sayid Jarrah - Danielle Rousseau **- How's the nest?

**Danielle Rousseau - Sayid Jarrah -** Lonely without you :(

**Sayid Jarrah - Danielle Rousseau **- I meant the hair. Don't be creepy.

**Danielle Rousseau **- :( Where is my baby?

**Mr Friendly **has poked **Richard Alpert. **

**Richard Alpert **has poked **Mr Friendly.**

**Richard Alpert **took the quiz How Much Do You Know About Lost? and got 60 percent.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus **added being creepy and mysterious and stroking bunnies to his list of activities.

**Juliet Burke** wants to get off the island so much. :(

**Ana Lucia **has added police officer to her list of professions.

**Jack Shepherd **and 45 others have added the island as their current location.

**Claire Littleton **is in a strange room and misses **Charlie Pace.**

**Ethan Rom **dislikes this.

**Benjamin Linus - Ethan Rom **- Control your woman, Ethan! If she leaks out where she is, we'll all be doomed. DOOOOOOOMEEEEEEED!

**Richard Alpert **likes this.

**Mikhail **has set his nationality to Russian.

**Mikhail **had a strange dream that he was married to his cat, Nadia. Interesting…

**Bea Klugh **likes this.

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus **- When are you next coming over? I'm boooooooreed. I've managed to locate Harry Potter online for us to enjoy? WB.

**Benjamin Linus **- Kinda busy at the moment, Mikhail. Stop being so needy and clingy! I warned you facebook wasn't your thing. Your spamming my notifications box with all the stupid stuff you're sending me!

**Charlie Pace **has changed his life status to dead.

**Sawyer **-** Charlie Pace** - That's nearly impressive. How can you be dead if you can write that? Oh and btw, sorry you're dead. Does that mean I can keep your guitar? It makes an excellent backscratcher…

**Ana Lucia - Charlie Pace** - That sucks. R.I.P. :/

**Jack Shepherd **has posted the video Jack and Kate save Charlie.

**Sawyer **and six others like this.

**Charlie Pace **has updated his life status to alive.

**Charlie Pace **:( feels unbelievably sad.

**Kate Austen - Charlie Pace **- :( Sorry hon. We're doing all we can to find Claire. Want a hug?

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace **- Man up! Here, I'm coming over to give you your damn guitar so you can, I dunno, play slit your wrist songs on it.

**Ethan Rom - Charlie Pace -** WHAT? How are - How are you alive? Ugh, never mind. Just stay out of my way! You've just spoiled *everything*. *shakes head in disappointment*

**Mr Eko **has seized control of the smoke monster in Island Ville. Go, as they say, me!

**Ana Lucia - Mr Eko -** You're funny, man.

**Richard Alpert **wants something to do! Eternity is boring as hell.

**Goodwin **likes this.

**Ana Lucia **and **Goodwin **are now friends.

**John Locke - **I've got a shiny new hatch, I've got a shiny new hatch, I've got a shiny new hatch and guess what's inside it?

**Boone Carlyle **likes this.

**John Locke **and **Boone Carlyle **like the hatch.

**Shannon Rutherford - Boone Carlyle **- Where are you? You were supposed to be back three hours ago.

**Boone Carlyle - Shannon Rutherford - **Oh, shut it, Shan. You bore me. Go find a buddy, if you can, and TAKE A HIKE!

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Charlie Pace **likes the group when I'm sad, I listen to depressing music and get even more sad.

**Benjamin Linus **has taken the quiz How Evil Are You? and has gotten the result The Diet Coke of Evil.

You've definitely got a cold streak in you but unfortunately you have a nice side to you which, although rare, surfaces itself now and then. You kid yourself you're a nasty piece of work but really, you're just semi-evil. Fail.

**Benjamin Linus **dislikes this.

**Benjamin Linus **- *sigh* How hard does a guy have to work to be the coke of evil?

**Mikhail **and ten others like this.

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus -** BEST. STATUS. EVER!

**Mr Eko **IS ADDICTED TO ISLAND VILLE! *pants*

**Jack Shepherd **has changed his relationship status to It's Complicated.

**Jack Shepherd **- What a day! Stressful doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. On the plus side, had a banana. Went down a treat.

**Kate Austen **likes this.

**Hugo Reyes **has taken the quiz Which Whose Line Regular Are You? and got the result COLIN MOCHRIE.

Everyone makes fun of you but you take it all on the chin. You've also got a unique sense of humour and are well liked by your fellow cast members. You also seem to have a collection of quite wild and colourful shirts.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer** has taken the quiz Which FRIENDS character are you? and gotten the result CHANDLER BING.

You're sarcastic and abrasive, and sometimes hurtful, but you are also humorous and a really good friend. You have your insecurities, like commitment, and have issues with the way you were brought up but you don't let them stand in the way of you being a really good friend.

**Sawyer -** Hm, apart from the 'friend' thing, that was pretty spot on.

**Claire Littleton **- (8) Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away…(8)

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton** - I miss you. :'(

**Charlie Pace **has sent **Claire Littleton** a heart.

**Hugo Reyes **and six others like this.

**Leslie Arzt **is very disgruntled considering he's had to correct about six people on the correct pronunciation of his name…What a disgrace.

**John Locke **is hammering at his hatch…which is not a euphemism or innuendo btw, lol.

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke **- I beg to differ :P

**Richard Alpert **- I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!

**Richard Alpert **- After falling off a cliff, I can conclude that to my lasting regret I cannot fly. :(

**Richard Alpert **has added immortality to his list of interests.

**Charlie Pace **and seven others have changed their profile pictures.

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace **- Ooh, get you and your merry band, Robin Hood. You look just as camp lol.

**Charlie Pace - Sawyer **- STFU! :/ You're disturbing my depressive state. Now go and abuse some other poor, confused, hobbity type person.

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace **- I would, but you're the only one. OOH BURN!

**Sawyer **likes Your Mum

**Jack Shepherd **has added fixing things to his list of activities.

**Rose Henderson **is missing Bernard still but has faith he will return.

**Mr Eko **likes this.

**Mr Eko **is now a gaming addict. SOMEBODY HELP ME!

**Ana Lucia **likes this.

**Ana Lucia **likes the group Your Mum's so ugly, Bob the Builder looked at her and said I CAN'T FIX THAT! 

**Jack Shepherd - Ana Lucia** - I presume by 'Bob the Builder', you mean me? I'm the fixer around here, you see.

**Ana Lucia - Jack Shepherd **- Nope! Besides, I didn't create the group you blockhead.

**Jack Shepherd - Ana Lucia - **Bitch. And we were getting on as well. Your profile pic looks hot though. You a cop?

**Ana Lucia - Jack Shepherd **- No, I was dressing up for Halloween.

**Jack-Shepherd - Ana Lucia **- Really?

**Ana Lucia - Jack Shepherd **- Oh, damn. Forgot you can't really detect sarcasm here. NO anyway, and to clarify I was being sarcastic. Yes, I was a cop.

**Sawyer **loves **Jack Shepherd** and really wants him to be his love toy.

**Jack Shepherd **and 12 others like this.

**Sawyer **- Ignore that last status - I've been facebook raped! By Kate, no less!

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Charlie Pace - Sawyer - **How did she facebook rape you? She'd have to know your password and email… Oh, you didn't go for something stupid did you? Something really obvious like Password?

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace -** I may have written my details down, but I didn't expect her to barge in and jump me! Well, the last part was probably not so unpredictable - I am a love machine after all.

**Jack Shepherd **dislikes this.

**Mr Eko **is sick of Island Ville, having lost all his mangoes. I traded everything for it, including my favourite stick. I'm off to carve a new one…

**Ana Lucia **and three others like this.

**Benjamin Linus **has sent **Juliet Burke **a heart.

**Juliet Burke **- Ugh…men.

**A/n: **Ha, I'm so addicted to writing this now. That's what, three updates in three days? :P I really should concentrate on my other stories but this is easy to write and fun and quick, hence the reason for updating it so soon. The others will eventually interact with the main losties - and therein lies the fun - but not for a bit, so for now enjoy the fact they are actually on facebook…and let's hope Richard doesn't break his beautiful face with anymore crazy stunts :P bit OOC at times - try all the time - but that's why you love it! Thanks for reviewing everyone, I've pinched some of your ideas and I want to thank you for letting me do so :) your reward is a faster update :)


	4. Status Updates & Spamming Wars

_Status Updates & Spam Wars_

**Jack Shepherd** has created the group **R.I.P. Christian Shepherd.**

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd **- TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, JACKASSS! GOD, U SMELL. I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR. POOHEAD.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen **- Lol. Obvious facebook rape, much?

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd** - Funnily enough, Jack, those were MY thoughts. I'm insulted you would think I was facebook raped.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen **- Really? You really think I'm a 'poohead' and you really hate me? :(

**Kate Austen **wishes there was some discernible way of presenting sarcasm here. SOME people obviously can't tell the difference.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen** - So…you WERE facebook raped? I'm soooo confuzzled! :/

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd **- *sigh* Yes. I turned my back for ONE minute and Sawyer jumped me. My computer, that is, not actually me.

**Sawyer **has added facebook raping to his list of activities.

**Benjamin Linus **is hunting for rabbits. La de la-la. LA LA LA LA LA !

**Mikhail **likes this.

**Mikhail **has posted the link to the video Best of Bugs Bunny onto **Benjamin Linus**'s profile.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton** - Since you've not replied to my 815 messages, I thought I'd tell you that I miss you. [Inserts heart] I'm going to post you a link of this song which I think sums up my feelings about you the most…Wait a second, love, I'll just find it on the world wide web. :)

**Charlie Pace **has posted the link to the video You Touch My Tralala (Ding Ding Dong) on **Claire Littleton**'s profile.

**Charlie Pace - Sawyer **- SAWYER! You jerk! Why are you facebook raping everyone? I turn my back for one minute…

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace - ***immature giggle* HA! Sorry, punk - well, I'm not really - but you were just ASKING for that. I was just making sure Claire knew how much of a stalker you really are…

**Charlie Pace **is now going to kick Sawyer's ass.

**Jack Shepherd **and 12 others like this.

**Sawyer **thinks this oughta be good… Lmao!

**Juliet Burke **has added fertility doctor to her list of professions.

**Juliet Burke **has set her relationship status to single.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus **- Ugh. Must you stalk me on here too?

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- Yes. That's what facebook is for. Duh! :P

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- Hey. How's your inner eye?

**Walt Lloyd - John Locke **- It's fine. What does an inner eye look like anyway? Is it like that big eye on Lord of the Rings? That was AWESOME! :)

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- No….But that would be soooo COOL! :)

**Danny Pickett **needs someone to be on the end of his fists. ROARRR! I am so manly that I need to show it in random acts of pointless aggression!

**Benjamin Linus - Danny Pickett **- Since when are YOU manly? You cried at Titanic for God's sake!

**Mikhail **and three others like this.

**Danny Pickett - Benjamin Linus **- Yeah…but the dude was dead! He just…was frozen there. IF HE'D BEEN ON THE FLOATING THING HE WOULD'VE SURVIVED! STUPID RECKLESS BEAUTIFUL FOOL!

**Danny Pickett **likes the group I'd go gay for Leonardo Dicaprio.

**Mikhail - Danny Pickett **- HA! Knew it!

**Boone Carlyle - Shannon Rutherford **- Hey! What up with you and the torturer dude? Seen you hanging by the beach. I'm not down with it.

**Shannon Rutherford - Boone Carlyle **- He's cool, Boone, drop it. Stop stalking my profile! Go…hang out with your BFF, Locke.

**Boone Carlyle **is fed up of certain blondes being total bitches. :|

**Sawyer **is enjoying jumping people's profiles. Now, to stalk Austen in person…

**Ana Lucia - Libby **- Hey. :S

**Libby - Ana Lucia **- Hey. What's with the face?

**Ana Lucia - Libby **- It's the most accurate portrayal of my smile I could manage. And it's not even a smile so…yeah, pretty accurate.

**Jin Kwon **is fishing. Yes. Fishing.

**Sun Kwon **likes the group People who use facebook purely to put up boring statuses are so lame. 

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon **- WAT CHOO TRIANG TOO SAY?

**Sun Kwon **likes this.

**Sun Kwon **has listed **Jin Kwon **as her husband,

**Jin Kwon **has listed **Sun Kwon **as his wife.

**Sawyer **has poked **Jack Shepherd.**

**Jack Shepherd **has poked **Sawyer.**

**Facebook **- Sexual tension, much? :P

**Sawyer **HOLY CRAP! FACEBOOK HAS FACEBOOK! LOL!

**Charlie Pace **and 48 others like this.

**Michael Dawson **is searching for his boy. WALLLLLLT! Where you at, man?

**John Locke - Michael Dawson - **He's where the fun's at - with me. He's exploring his Inner Eye. Don't worry, though. I'm good with kids. :P

**Michael Dawson **is FURIOUS and looking to POUND some OLD dude in the FACE.

**Sawyer - Michael Dawson -** Now, Mikey, there's no need to resort to such extremes as punching yourself in the face.

**Sayid Jarrah - Shannon Rutherford **- I, as they say, dig you. Thank you for singing that beautiful song to me even though I have no idea what it meant.

**Shannon Rutherford **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah -** No problem. You're the first person here who hasn't treated me like I'm dumb. Plus, you're hot.

**Danielle Rousseau **dislikes this.

**Danielle Rousseau **is so angry that she broke a twig. GRRRR! Don't mess with the Rooster! Gonna blow some s**t up and rebel!

**Sayid Jarrah **likes this.

**Ethan Rom **likes the group when you're evil and you know it rule the world!

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Ana Lucia - Mr Eko** - STOP FLOODING MY NEWSFEED WITH NEWS ABOUT ISLAND VILLE! IT SUUUUUCKKKKKS. YOU SUUUCKKKK!

**Mr Eko - Ana Lucia** - Sorry. But I need wood to build this pretty little birdhouse. In the grand scheme of things, your opinion doesn't matter. TAKE THAT BIATCH!

**Sawyer **and three others like this.

**John Locke **has added walking, hunting and walkabouts to his list of interests.

**Charlie Pace - Ethan Rom - **I HATE U! I HATE U! GO CRAWL AWAY AND DIE IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE! YOU BASTARD!

**Ethan Rom - Charlie Pace **- Your mum.

**Charlie Pace - Ethan Rom - **:/ What does THAT mean?

**Ethan Rom - Charlie Pace **- It can stand for anything. Your mum.

**Shannon Rutherford **is in a relationship with **Sayid Jarrah**.

**Boone Carlyle **dislikes this.

**Boone Carlyle - Sayid Jarrah**- Stay away from her man! She's a bitch. I'm of course thinking about you and not at all about how I love her so much in such an appropriate way that it's clouding my judgement…

**Sayid Jarrah - Boone Carlyle **- I haven't been this unconvinced since Jack suggested we move into the caves like cave people. WHAT AN INAPPROPRIATE SUGGESTION!

**Benjamin Linus **is enjoying the collective works of Beatrix Potter. Especially loving Peter Rabbit…Can't imagine why… Lol.

**Desmond Hume **has pressed the button 84 times in ten seconds. Can you beat **Desmond Hume**'s score?

**Ana Lucia **is currently bawling her eyes out…LOL JK, I am an unfeeling robot of mass destruction who has awesome ninja moves.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia -** Prove it!

**Ana Lucia **is off to find Sawyer, kick his butt, possibly sexually assault him - he's hot, I'm hot, that's how we do it here - and prove once and for all I'm INVINCIBLE!

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia **- Major lolage. I have a feeling we're gonna get on swell…

**Michael Dawson** is attending Building a Raft So We Can Get The Hell Out of Here and has invited 48 people to join him.

**Jin Kwon **is attending Building a Raft So We Can Get The Hell Out of Here 

**Michael Dawson - Jin Kwon -** Really? Dude, you are awesome! Sorry about the various beatings and all… Water under the bridge?

**Jin Kwon** sees no bridge.

**Michael Dawson **and 2 others like this.

**Sawyer** is quite annoyed at how someone has liked everything I've said and done, resulting in my notifications box to be ridiculously full. 100 notifications? Really?

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace - **Yeah, this makes you more of a man - spamming me. What happened to this ass kicking?

**Charlie Pace - Sawyer **- I decided it was more prudent to destroy you from afar. :P

**Claire Littleton **is back!

**Charlie Pace **and 6 others like this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- You're back! Yay! :D How are you?

**Claire Littleton -Charlie Pace **- Er, I take it you're the one who's been spamming my facebook? Some of your little messages are nice, but got to ask…who are you?

**Charlie Pace **AMNESIA? SERIOUSLY? GAH!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Claire Littleton **is scared. Who are these people? Where am I? The only bright side is that **Kate Austen **will let me do her charts later :)

**Kate Austen - Claire Littleton **- Yeah, but it better be interesting. My future better hold tigers and whirlwinds and stuff like that. I don't want to be caught in various love affairs, or be put in a cage, or end up having, God forbid, responsibility.

**Claire Littleton - Kate Austen **- Er, I can make some stuff up? Everything you've just described as what you don't want is, unfortunately, what's going to happen. I AM GOOOOOOD!

**Jack Shepherd **and 6 others like this.

**Jack Shepherd **-** Claire Littleton **- Can we speculate who these men are going to be? Actually, forget it. I'd rather not know…IS IT MEEEEE?

**Claire Littleton - Jack Shepherd **- Hm, you could be a threat to me.

**Jack Shepherd **has been spammed to death. Terrific.

**John Locke **and 40 others like this.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- Juliet. Juliet. Juliet. Juliet. Juliet. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Jules. Ju. Ju. Ju. Ju. Burke. Burke. Burke. Burke.

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus -** WHAT?

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- I dunno. I just wanted to get your attention.

**Juliet Burke** is tired of all this. I need a way out. *spies gun*

**Benjamin Linus **is wondering why the love of his life is pointing a gun at him. Is it a sexual thing? NOOOOOOOO!

**Benjamin Linus **is possibly chilling with Jesus, although that's currently debatable. This is Mikhail, btw. I have incredible hacking skills.

**Richard Alpert **and 7 others like this.

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- We iz not to be cuz. Your daddy-o has forbidden uz. We can no longer hang out. Ooh that rhymed!

**Walt Lloyd - John Locke **- Are you - Are you trying to be street right now?

**John Locke - Walt Lloyd **- I may have accidentally found some spray paint in the jungle, and I may be trying to be black right now. But did you not here me? WE IZ BEING SEPARATED!

**Walt Lloyd - John Locke **- No! I would complain but my dad's holding a piece of wood. It's best I don't anger him right at this precise moment.

**John Locke **has joined the group Inner Eyes Unite.

**Walt Lloyd **has joined the group Inner Eyes Unite.

**Richard Alpert **has finished his millionth diary! Ok, let's start on diary million and one…

**Benjamin Linus - Richard Alpert **- Dude, you have no life.

**Richard Alpert - Benjamin Linus **- Er, yes I do. That's the whole problem actually. If I coexisted with time like I should've done, I would be six feet under by now.

**John Locke **has found 'the one'. It's a tree.

**John Locke - Sawyer -** What the actual hell? What have I ever done to YOU? You iz boiling up my blood, bro.

**Sawyer - John Locke - **As much as I'd love to claim credit for that - snigger, snigger - it isn't me. As a matter of fact, I'm currently facebook raping Boone.

**Boone Carlyle **is gay and proud. If, for some reason, I end up in a show as an evil but gorgeous character, know that I'm gay and cry. CRY YOU FOOLS!

**Shannon Rutherford **likes this.

**Shannon Rutherford - Boone Carlyle - **So, you wanting to do my hair wasn't because of some insane crush on me? Gotta say, I'm a little relieved.

**John Locke - Sawyer **- So…? Who is it? Who has hijacked my, I repeat MY, facebook account?

**Michael Dawson **feels good today. I would laugh evilly but I have a sore throat from all the yelling at Jin :(

**Jin Kwon **likes this.

**Jin Kwon **has changed his relationship status to It's Complicated.

**Sun Kwon **:(

**Walt Lloyd **has run away! TAKE THAT REPRESSIVE SOCIETY!

**Sawyer - Walt Lloyd **- How does a two year old know the word 'repressive'?

**Walt Lloyd - Sawyer **- I AM TEN.

**Sawyer - Walt Lloyd **- Whatever. :P If we measured years by height, you'd be two.

**Walt Lloyd **has poked **Sawyer.**

**Michael Dawson **is worried about his son. There's no other alternatives, I'm just gonna have to suck it up and do it - WAAALLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTT!

**John Locke **is seriously smoking hot. Boom, boom.

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke - **You got facebook raped too huh?

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd **- No….Well, I did, but not just now! WAHHHH!

**Jack Shepherd **worries about certain people. *sigh* Right, I'm off to brood about Kate, do some heavy breathing and walk aimlessly about pretending I'm actually doing something when I'm not.

**Kate Austen **and 8 others like this.

**Michael Dawson **has added polar bear slaying to his list of activities.

**Boone Carlyle **WHAT THE HELL? I'M NOT GAY!

**Sawyer - Boone Carlyle **- …..ha. :P

**A.N: Big thanks to your reviews! So many, I can't believe it! Well, this is dedicated to all of you and I'm so glad you like it! Next chapter will be up soon. Oh and by the way, the whole '100 notifications' thing is actually a true story. Tip - if you're bored, don't start spamming your friend, when they'll just get their other friend and gang up on you so that the spamming thing actually becomes ridiculously out of hand :P**


	5. Dynamic Declarations & Ditzy Divas

_Dynamic Declarations & Ditzy Divas

* * *

___

**Shannon Rutherford **is feeling good today! Did a bit of washing today - helped by Sayid - and did some tarp fixing - helped by Sayid - Ooh and also made her very first sandcastle…helped by Sayid.

**Sawyer - Shannon Rutherford **- Aw, what's wrong? Did the bucket get too heavy for your dainty little arms to carry? :P

**Shannon Rutherford - Sawyer **- Yes…how did you know?

**Sawyer - Shannon Rutherford **- …. ?

**Claire Littleton **likes the group I loooooooooooove sleeping but I never want to go to bed early. 

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- OMG. We are so meant to be! I love sleeping too!

**Claire Littleton **hmmm…. To get a restraining order, or not to get a restraining order? That is the question. :P

**Jin Kwon **has changed his profile picture to Mr Miyagi. 

**Charlie Pace **and seven others like this.

**Michael Dawson - Jin Kwon - **You trying to tell us something, dude? :D

**Jin Kwon - Michael Dawson - **Yes. I am Mr Miyagi. He, me…same person.

**Sawyer **likes this comment.

**Sun Kwon **is staring longingly at **Jin Kwon** and hoping he will come back to her…

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon **YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH NOW?

**Sun Kwon - Jin Kwon - **I still speak English. Sorry :(

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon - **DON'T COME BACK TIL YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH!

**Karl **is now on Facebook. Although he wonders who exactly he's going to befriend when the only true friend - and lover - I have is Alex. :S

**Boone Carlyle **sees a major opportunity…Stick around for a highly intelligent and strategically advanced move. :P

**Bonne Carlyle **is now friends with **Karl. **

**Karl - Boone Carlyle - **Hi :) Your profile pic seems cool. Who's the girl whose neck you're trying to bite?

**Boone Carlyle - Karl **- Um…I'm not allowed to say. But you look FUN! What's your surname?

**Karl - Boone Carlyle -** I don't actually know. See I've got a hidden and meaningful back-story, which was woefully ignored by everyone, and so enough time has passed that I…don't know what it actually is anymore. I love Alex though!

**Alex - Karl **KARL! YOU WANNA ACCEPT MY FRIEND INVITE OR WHAT? Oops…caps. :P

**Karl **is now friends with **Alex.**

**Danielle Rousseau **is now frantic with excitement and has started beating trees with a twig with excitement. LOL!

**Benjamin Linus **OH NOES! THEY MUSN'T MEET! Think, Ben, think!

**Mikhail - Richard Alpert **- Does he realize he's actually putting his thoughts on FB where they're bound to get him in trouble?

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail **- SHUT UP, MIKHAIL! You're just a plan wrecker! You ruin everything! You're more of a buzz kill than Buzz Killington.

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus **- Is that a real person?

**Alex **is now friends with **Richard Alpert **and seven others.

**Danielle Rousseau **is now waiting patiently for **Alex **to respond to her friend request. This might take another sixteen years so…watch this space.

**Jack Shepherd **needs help. I tried Kate's sinking game…and now am up to my neck in sand. EWWWWWWW! This is what happens when I try to be fun!

**Kate Austen **probably should have pointed out to Jack that quicksand is not a place to try this game. LOL. Men are such silly billies. *Goes off to help.*

**Sayid Jarrah **is smitten!

**Jin Kwon - Sayid Jarrah **- WHATCHOO SMOTHERING KITTENS FOR? HIIIIIII-YAAAA!

**Sayid Jarrah **doesn't remember anything about anything.

**Alex **likes Not having a surname you can say until you're allowed to.

**Karl **likes Being awesome.

**Benjamin Linus - Karl **- KARRRRRRRRLLLLL…..? Where r u? It's time for your daily beating…

**Karl **is hiding in a tree. But which one? LOL.

**John Locke **and **Boone Carlyle **are now attending Mission Impossible 65: The Breaking Into The Hatch. 

**Boone Carlyle - John Locke **- This is going…really, really badly. Wanna play hide and seek while we wait for a sign?

**John Locke - Boone Carlyle - **YES! But let me hide. And count to a billion…I've kinda got to crawl since my legs deflated and the bicycle pump was stolen.

**Bonne Carlyle - John Locke **- NOPE! Gonna hide first, 'cause I'm awesome like that.

**John Locke **doesn't like cheaters who have better legs than him.

**Boone Carlyle **is going to hide in that airplane up in the trees. Even if Locke finds me, he won't be able to come up there and tag me! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

**Facebook **has a really bad feeling about this… :P

**Shannon Rutherford **has found a packet of M & Ms! Score. NO SAYID! NOT GONNA SHARE!

**Sayid Jarrah - Shannon Rutherford **- Now, what did we just finish talking about, Shan?

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah **- How you're a whiner and don't buy me enough presents?

**Sayid Jarrah - Shannon Rutherford -** …..

**John Locke **is now watching Boone fall to the ground in another airplane. Is it sick that I find that a little bit funny and HUGELY ironic?

**Sawyer - John Locke **Yes. You're sick and wrong and you should grow some hair and move to another island. :P LOL just kidding. I find you awesome.

**Claire Littleton**'s tummy hurts. Like a lot.

**Kate Austen - Claire Littleton - **OMG! YOU'RE IN LABOUR!

**Claire Littleton - Kate Austen - **Let's not exaggerate, Kate. It's probably mild indigestion and/or constipation. :P

**Kate Austen - Claire Littleton **- EW! Too much info! Just in case, let me come running out of nowhere and deliver your baby!

**Claire Littleton **thinks **Kate Austen **is a bit too forward and is going to run away into the jungle where she can't find her…

**Jack Shepherd **is now trying to save Boone's life. :S I'M SO SAD :(

**Sawyer** likes this.

**Sawyer **has added Watership Down to his list of favourite books.

**Sawyer **is considering adopting a bunny.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Michael Dawson **the raft is almost ready! We can be set sailing soon.

**Lesley Arzt - Michael Dawson -** Here's a list of a hundred reasons why you are completely and utterly wrong.

**Lesley Arzt **has sent **Michael Dawson **the note entitled A Hundred Reasons Why It Is Extremely Wise to Listen to Arzt and Postpone the Launching of the Raft.

**Lesley Arzt **likes shattering dreams.

**Michael Dawson **somebody blow this guy up!

**Random Deep Booming Voice - Michael Dawson **- Consider it done!

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton -** Hey. Didn't mean to spam you just now. You've just not replied to, or even liked, anything I've put on your wall. I hope I'm not coming across as needy or anything. That would be awkward….

**Sawyer **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Sawyer.**

**Claire Littleton **OWCH!

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- Is it a paper cut again? Hang on, love, I'm on my way with an armful of bandages.

**Sawyer **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace** - It's significantly worse than a paper cut. I'm in labour. Oh wait, I'm supposed to be in denial about that. YES. IT'S A PAPER CUT. OOOOOOOOWW!

**Kate Austen - Charlie Pace** - Ignore the blonde. It's labour.

**Richard Alpert **has posted the video 5x03 Castiel and the Den of Iniquity onto his profile.

**Richard Alpert **hmmm. I'd like to be a rebellious angel. I kinda am one, if ya think about it. I mean, I'm technically immortal. And ravishingly good looking… :P

**Benjamin Linus - Richard Alpert **- if your ego gets any bigger, I'll have no choice but to declare it a national landmark and wage war on it. LOL!

**Claire Littleton **is in a SERIOUS amount of pain!

**Sawyer **and two others like this.

**Jin Kwon **doesn't know how he ended up here, watching Claire give birth. I was only looking for wood. :/ Its quite gross too…

**Claire Littleton **is going to kick YOUR ass!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Sun Kwon **has posted Jack having a tantrum as Boone lies there dying on her profile.

**Kate Austen **and 46 others like this.

**Jack Shepherd - Sun Kwon **- Um, this may come as quite a shock, Sun, but…THAT ISN'T HELPING!

**Boone Carlyle **thinks he should've had a Twitter account. Ugh….

**Claire Littleton **is PUSHING! OH THIS IS INTENSE! I'VE ALREADY STRANGLED KATE ABOUT FIFTY FIVE TIMES. LOL.

**Sawyer - Claire Littleton **- How can you 'lol' in labour?

**Claire Littleton **has poked **Sawyer.**

**Sawyer **has poked **Claire Littleton.**

**Shannon Rutherford **is attending Sayid and Shannon's first date.

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah - **This is amazing! Thank you, babe, for the date so far. Also, thanks for gently reminding me the thing that attacked me was a tree branch and not a rapist. LOVE YOU!

**Sayid Jarrah **feels this relationship is moving too fast and has fled the…um…general area.

**Boone Carlyle **is near to death. Quite literally. I am SO coming back as a ghost.

**Jack Shepherd **feels quite disappointed he didn't get to amputate Boone's leg. Some people are just so WEIRD. :P Oops…meant to be sad. NOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOONE! HOW CAN YOU BE DEAD?

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **- You bein serious?

**Charlie Pace - Jack Shepherd **- He's gone?

**Shannon Rutherford **is incredibly happy :D what can possibly go wrong?

**Shannon Rutherford **er… where has the rest of Facebook gone?

**Facebook **has briefly terminated due to the fact everyone has walked off unwilling to tell Shannon her brother is dead.

.

.

.

**Sawyer **thought that was pointless.

**Claire Littleton **HAS A SON! I HAVE A SON!

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- CONGRATS, HUN! :D

**Michael Dawson - Claire Littleton - **YAY! Ooh call him Walt! Then when you lose him - AND YOU WILL - I won't seem like such a complete noob.

**Kate Austen - Claire Littleton - **YAY! I HELPED! :D Now I'm halfway to redeeming myself!

**Sawyer **likes this comment.

**Benjamin Linus - Claire Littleton **- Er, hi, you won't remember us. Well, we're sending you balloons to congratulate you. Well, they're not balloons. No, we have to keep up appearances after all. Instead, we're sending you years of grief and torment. Will that do?

**Claire Littleton **is very tired but wants to thank everyone for the congratulatory messages! I can't believe I am a mum!

**John Locke **is banging the hatch. SAWYER! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING! I am banging it very hard.

**Sawyer - John Locke **- You bang it, baby. LOL.

**John Locke :/**

**Boone Carlyle **is a GHOOOOOOST! Well, a vampire, technically. But I'm not going anywhere bitches.

**Shannon Rutherford **is finding it hard to smile.

**Kate Austen - Shannon Rutherford **- :( Sorry to hear that hun.

**Shannon Rutherford - Kate Austen **- No…I literally can't smile. I've forgotten how to do it. HELP!

**Charlie Pace **feels so proud of **Claire Littleton.** Wish she would rip up that restraining order though…

**Jack Shepherd **feels like tearing stuff. Like the Incredible Hulk.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **- The worst damage you could inflict is popping one of the buttons on your own shirt. And then you'll end up fixing it back on. Incredible Hulk? Try Incredible SULK. LOL. LMAO. Etc…

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Karl **is skinning a rabbit. Yum!

**Benjamin Linus - Karl **- RABBITS HAVE FEELINGS, YOU UNDERSIZED, FEEBLE MINDED, GIRLY-WIRLY MUPPET! WHAT YOU'VE ESSENTIALLY DONE IS KILL A FELLOW HUMAN BEING IN RABBIT FORM! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY YOU EVIL, EVIL PERSON! GRRRRR!

**Richard Alpert **has ordered the immediate evacuation of every man, woman and child whilst Ben continues his rabbit rant. :P LOL.

**Alex - Karl **- If you survive…I love you and I'll be in touch.

**Alex **is in a relationship with **Karl.**

**Benjamin Linus **dislikes this.

**Danielle Rousseau **is still waiting…

**Claire Littleton **ideas for names people?

**Michael Dawson - Claire Littleton - **WALLLLLLLLLT? Without that many Ls.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- Um, Thomas?

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace - **NO! IF YOU SUGGEST THAT TO ME AGAIN, PREPARE FOR THAT RESTRAINING ORDER TO MAGICALLY BECOME A DEATH WARRANT.

**Kate Austen - Claire Littleton - **Luke? Ian? Neil? I'm out.

**Shannon Rutherford **:(

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke **- YOU. ARE. DEAD!

**Boone Carlyle **woooooooooo! This seems slightly lame unless you can see my awesome death costume.

**Boone Carlyle **has poked everyone.

**Boone Carlyle **COOL! ONCE YOU DIE, THERE'S AN 'EVERYONE' BUTTON!

**Richard Alpert - Boone Carlyle **FOOL! IMMORTALS HAVE THAT BUTTON TOO!

**Boone Carlyle - Richard Alpert **- Eh?

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Sawyer. **

**Benjamin Linus **has posted the video Glee Cast 'Marry You' to **Juliet Burke**'s profile.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke **- TAKE THE HINT!

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**A/n: Thanks for all the reviews! WOW! I didn't expect as many as I had. Glad you all enjoy this! I'll include more characters when and if they occur to me. Until the next chapter, please enjoy and review! **


	6. Rubbish Rafts & Riveting Riots

_Rubbish Rafts && Riveting Riots_

**Jack Shepherd **is watching out for bad guys. Rawwrrr!

**Kate Austen **likes this.

**Leslie Arzt **is trying to be patient and teach everyone about how to launch a raft CORRECTLY but are they listening? No…. Moral of the story: don't get stuck on an island with a bunch of idiots.

**Sawyer **likes the group Everyone has a Vodka Incident.

**Hugo Reyes - Sawyer **- Dude, what was your vodka incident? Mine was buying a freakin' lottery ticket, winning, and then getting bad luck.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes - **Woo, you sure know how to party, Fuzzy Bear. Mine involved a lot more hardcore stuff like that. Let's just say by the end of the night, I had to go to the police myself to return a baby I'd mysteriously picked up. :P

**Hugo Reyes - Sawyer -** Fuzzy Bear? Seriously. It's FOZZY dude. Don't mess with the Muppets.

**Michael Dawson** is feeling optimistic! Cannot wait to go to sea!

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson **- Is that why you're wearing an eye patch and sporting a prosthetic limb?

**Michael Dawson - Walt Lloyd -** Damn it, Walt! You ruin everything! If a grown man wants to play pirates, let him play pirates!

**Michael Dawson **likes Hook.

**Shannon Rutherford **wishes this grief would leave her alone. It's so inconvenient. I feel so lonely…

**Sayid Jarrah - Shannon Rutherford **- Want a hug?

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah -** Took you long enough!

**Shannon Rutherford **is at Sayid's tent. 

**Sayid Jarrah **likes this.

**Boone Carlyle **has poked Everyone. 

**Jack Shepherd - Boone Carlyle - **WHY CAN'T WE POKE YOU BACKKKKK? :/

**Boone Carlyle - Jack Shepherd - **I'm dead, dude. Get over it.

**Sun Kwon **likes staring aimlessly at the ocean.

**Sawyer **and 38 others like this.

**Danielle Rousseau **is back baby! Oh, I said baby… That makes me sad :(

**Charlie Pace - Danielle Rousseau -** Get a haircut!

**Claire Littleton **is exhausted and tired but is a mummy! I love it! :D

**Claire Littleton **has created the album Baby Littleton.

**Claire Littleton **has tagged **Charlie Pace**, **Kate Austen**and **Jin Kwon**in the album Baby Littleton.

**Boone Carlyle **has poked **The Baby.**

**Boone Carlyle - The Baby **- How do you have Facebook? You're like a day old! Oh, and while we're on the subject… HOW WERE YOU BORN WHEN I DIED? HOW IS THAT FAIR?

**Michael Dawson **has created the album The HMS Dawson…a.k.a. the Raft.

**Jin Kwon **likes this.

**Sawyer **likes the group We all know a really, really, really, really fat guy.

**Hugo Reyes **dislikes this.

**Jack Shepherd **and six others like this.

**Hugo Reyes **likes the group We all know a mean, grouchy, bully called Sawyer.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes **- (8) I see you driving around town with the one I love and I'm like FORGET YOU (8) I wish I could underline that part but I can't…

**Hugo Reyes - Sawyer **- How do you even KNOW that song? It's 2004!

**Sawyer - Hugo **- I have my ways…

**John Locke **is in hiding…Just wish I knew where LOL.

**Jack Shepherd **would go find and kill **John Locke **but he is helping with the raft which is coming on fantastically! Woo-hoo!

**Kate Austen **wants on that raft. And she gets what she wants.

**Sun Kwon **and two others like this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton **- You look tired. Go to sleep and I'll take care of Baby Littleton.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- You still here? :P How do I know I can trust you?

**Charlie Pace **has posted the video Abba - S.O.S on **Claire Littleton**'s wall.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace - **SQUEEEE! My favourite song! Ok, here's my son! Now RUN, CHARLIE, RUN! Oh, yeah that's right…you have my baby.

**Benjamin Linus **is in the process of asking Juliet out on another date. Wish me luck!

**Juliet Burke **thinks this oughta be good. LMAO.

**Jacob **likes being the hotter sibling. 

**Man In Black **dislikes this.

**Desmond Hume **is SO BORED! I need some new friends! :/

**Kate Austen **has added scheming to her list of interests.

**Sun Kwon **misses **Jin Kwon**. (8) Nothing compares to you… (8)

**Jin Kwon **likes this.

**Sawyer **is annoyed with **Charlie Pace.** See note for explanation.

**Sawyer **has posted the note Reasons why Charlie Pace is annoying the HELL outta me on his wall.

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer - **You bitch more than ME. And that's saying something.

**John Locke **kind of interrupted Boone's funeral. And it got messy. Like real bad.

**Boone Carlyle - Everyone **- Thank you for letting Jack interrupt my funeral, you lunatics. I will now haunt every single one of your flashbacks. You might not notice I'm there but I will be! I'M STARTING WITH YOU SAWYER!

**Ana Lucia **has changed from giggly to cautious.

**Bernard Nadler - Ana Lucia **- WTF? Do you even know how to giggle?

**Ana Lucia - Bernard Nadler **- Who are you, and why are you haunting my wall?

**Bernard Nadler - Ana Lucia **- Er…I'm one of the survivors. I've spoken to you three times. I'm the guy you saved from a tree? Ringing a bell?

**Ana Lucia - Bernard Nadler **- Ah. You. Shouldn't have climbed that tree then, should you? You need a safer hobby my friend. :P

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton - **Are you sure this kid of yours isn't Jack's as well? 'Cause he can't stop crying either. LOL.

**Jack Shepherd **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Charlie Pace **has poked **Jack Shepherd. **

**Leslie Arzt **has added being annoying and randomly yelling at people to his list of interests.

**Kate Austen - Sun Kwon **- I got a plan. Meet me somewhere secret in two minutes.

**Sun Kwon **is confused… :S

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd **- I sent you a card from Moonpig dot com. Dunno if you've got it or not.

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke **- Yes I did but that's beside the point… OOH THERE'S A PIG WITH A SPACE HELMET ON IT! THIS SHALL DISTRACT ME FOR THE NEXT THREE MINUTES!

**John Locke**'s plan succeeded… *Laughs evilly* :P

**Michael Dawson **is in pain. OH NOES!

**Jin Kwon - Michael Dawson **- Does that mean I iz finally prowject menager?

**Michael Dawson - Jin Kwon - **NO! AND GET A BLOODY DICTIONARY! YOU CANNOT SPELL!

**Leslie Arzt - Michael Dawson - **THIS IS A SIGN. DO NOT LAUNCH THE RAFT!

**Michael Dawson **has poked **Leslie Arzt.**

**Leslie Arzt **does not understand the concept of poking.

**Shannon Rutherford **is playing with **Sayid Jarrah**'s hair. It's so…stringy. :P

**Boone Carlyle **is sending death glares but they're obviously not being received… *bitchface*

**Kate Austen - Sawyer - **HA! I jacked your spot, bitch!

**Sawyer - Kate Austen - **HUH? When did THAT happen? :S GRRRR! YOU'LL PAYYYY!

**Kate Austen **is on fire! :P Not literally though…

**Jack Shepherd **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus **just doesn't get it! I'm obviously a love machine but Juliet is being so stubborn… :S Women are so complicated.

**Goodwin **and twenty three others like this.

**Claire Littleton **came across the SWEETEST picture ever earlier. Sawyer reading to my baby in Charlie's arms. AWWWWW!

**Claire Littleton **has tagged **Sawyer **and **Charlie Pace **in the album Baby Littleton.

**Sawyer - Claire Littleton **- NO! I am not supposed to be sweet! You're supposed to hate me, not hire me as your babysitter… GAH!

**Sawyer **currently dislikes women.

**Kate Austen - Sawyer **- I feel really bad now, Sawyer. Stop making me feel guilty all the time! I need to be badass!

**Sawyer **likes women again :P Especially when he can charm them into doing whatever the hell he wants LOL.

**Michael Dawson **feels a little better and would like to thank **Jin Kwon **for the flowers. :D

**Jin Kwon - Michael Dawson **- We friends now. Friends stick together.

**Charlie Pace **and 17 others like this.

**Benjamin Linus **has a sore cheek. I AM NOT HAPPY!

**Juliet Burke **has posted the link to the video Paramore - That's What You Get onto **Benjamin Linus**'s wall.

**Hugo Reyes **is now friends with **Desmond Hume.**

**Hugo Reyes - Desmond Hume **- Dude…who are you?

**Desmond Hume - Hugo Reyes - **I have foreseen we'll be friends in the near future :D Am I coming on too strong?

**Desmond Hume **is now going to drink himself to death. Well, I only have enough alcohol to pass out but it's onnnnn!

**Claire Littleton **likes I LOVE BEING A MUMMY!

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton - **Awwww!

**Sawyer **is chilling by the fire after an exhausting day of being great :P

**Kate Austen **is with Sawyer by the fire.

**Jack Shepherd **dislikes this.

**Sun Kwon - Jack Shepherd **- Thank you for understanding today. :D Feel like we've bonded today.

**Jack Shepherd - Sun Kwon - **WOOP! I'm the best, baby, and you know it :P Also… you're welcome.

**John Locke **wonders if it's safe to come out of hiding yet…

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson **- Daaaaaad… I need food.

**Michael Dawson - Walt Lloyd - **You do realize I am right next to you right? This conversation is utterly futile and lazy.

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson - **Yeah, but CBA to move. Plus you're the dad!

**Walt Lloyd **likes A penguin can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore I am a penguin.

**Benjamin Linus **is attending Ben's big movie night! Wooo!

**Richard Alpert **is attending Ben's big movie night! Wooo!

**Richard Alpert **likes Misha Collins.

**Benjamin Linus **likes Michael Emerson.

**Leslie Arzt **just got called fat. This will not stand!

**Sun Kwon **(8) So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me? S.O.S (8) Thank you **Claire Littleton **for introducing me to that song :D It so suits me.

**Claire Littleton **likes this.

**Jin Kwon **wonders why the women have to talk a lot.

**Sawyer **and 16 others like this.

**Sawyer **has added conning and being great to his list of interests.

**John Locke **and 3 other friends have changed their profile pictures.

**Mikhail **HAS THE INTERNET BACKKKKK! YEEEHAAAA! :P

**Mikhail **is attending Ben's big movie night! Wooo!

**Alex **- **Karl - **Love you :D xxx

**Karl - Alex -** Love you too babe xx

**Alex - Karl - **BABE? BABE? THAT'S UTTERLY DEGRADING TO WOMEN! *angry face*

**Karl - Alex **- Whut? I call you babe all the time?

**Alex- Karl -** Sorry. Facebook PMS. :/

**Karl - Alex - **…Is that a real thing? XD :P

* * *

**A/n: Thank you for the reviews! No idea this would be so popular! Thank you all so much! :D**


	7. Ingenious Innuendos & Ill Advised Usage

Ingenious Innuendos && Ill-advised Internet Usage

* * *

**Michael Dawson **is king of the wooooorlllld! :D

**Sawyer - Michael Dawson** - Um, Michael… small point. Do you think it's a good idea to quote Titanic when we're about to set sail on a raft? Hmmm?

**Michael Dawson - Sawyer **- Uh, do you own this raft? I can make whatever references to whatever movies I want! BOOM! :D And what's the worst that can happen? Are we likely to get hijacked out at sea, resulting in one of us getting shot and the other disappearing, whilst the other gets kidnapped by a strange bearded man? UNLIKELY.

**Sawyer **thinks somebody's gonna end up eating their words soon enough. Lol.

**Benjamin Linus **is off on a mission, we're tough and in good condition, our backs are to the wall, NO FEAR! :P Boy, am I in a good mood.

**Mikhail **and seven others like this.

**Jack Shephard **took the quiz What kind of woman will you end up with? and got the result : a fiery, independent woman.

They say opposites attract. Judging by your tender nature and the desire to keep things strong, your ideal partner you'll end up with will probably be a little less secure than you, perhaps buried in emotional issues. But she'll be fiery, and definitely independent which means you'll have to work hard to keep her in your life. She may keep to herself but, one thing's for sure, once you win her over she'll be yours forever.

**Kate Austen **and two others like this.

**Kate Austen - Jack Shephard **- Be honest. Did you rig the test?

**Jack Shephard - Kate Austen -** How could I do that? How can you accuse me of a heinous crime like that? :/ I'm hurt.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd **- Dude. Man up.

**Boone Carlyle **is still dead. Just thought I'd update y'all.

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon -** I love you.

**Sun Kwon - Jin Kwon **- DON'T GO! DON'T GO! DON'T LEAVE! :(

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon** - You too clingy. We see other people?

**Michael Dawson - Sun Kwon - **You single? Hot.

**Danielle Rousseau **has actually done something of importance. :D Granted, it involved doing a bit of scaremongering but still…

**Desmond Hume **IS SICK OF BLOODY RECORDS. SOMEONE HURRY UP AND INVENT THE CD!

**Charlie Pace - Desmond Hume **- Wow. Not seen a record in a fair while. You do know the CD has been invented mate? :P

**Desmond Hume - Charlie Pace - **Aye. I'm aware of that. But I've been cooped up down here so long, I'm starting to devolve. I might go invent fire soon just for something to do!

**Desmond Hume **has taken the quiz Which Disney Princess are you? and gotten the result Princess Ariel (The Little Mermaid).

You are tied down by something but you have a determined and rebellious streak which will one day make your dreams come true. You have loyal friends, so keep them close. You might be a prisoner in your mind but freedom is just around the corner. Keep holding on. Your day in the sun will come soon.

**Desmond Hume **dislikes this.

**Desmond Hume **I wanted Disney Princes not princesses! Damn it! Stupid. Ineffective. Facebook!

**Sawyer **we are sailing! [Insert lyrics to cliché ocean related song here] :D No more crappy island! No more crappy people!

**Kate Austen - Sawyer **- Ooh, when you get back - and you will - you are in for a frosty reception!

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Jin Kwon: **Star - Star board. Starboard. Star - Star - Starboard.

**Michael Dawson - Sawyer **- If he says that one more time, we tip him overboard, deal?

**Jin Kwon - Michael Dawson - **What happens on Facebook… Well, whole world see it as it on Facebook. :/

**Charlie Pace **and twelve others like this.

**Claire Littleton**'s son has been taken! DHAJFKADSHDJAHDJSJ! MUST. DO. SOMETHING. PRODUCTIVE!

**Charlie Pace **is attending Operation Colouring Crayons. 

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **I understand you're determined to help Claire, but titling our mission as Operation Colouring Crayons…? Care to explain?

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah **- It's a cute name. Don't diss it.

**Sayid Jarrah **is attending Operation Charlie Is An Idiot.

**Charlie Pace **would like to clarify the above event is a mark of Sayid's immaturity. We are having a lover's spat :P

**Sayid Jarrah **is poking Charlie's title.

**Sawyer - Sayid Jarrah -** ROFL! Sounds like an innuendo if ever I heard one. :P

**Charlie Pace **is attending Operation Donuts.

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **I hope something comes crashing down on your head, Pace.

**Kate Austen **likes being awesome.

**Hugo Reyes **likes chicken. 

**Hugo Reyes **I can't remember if I liked that or not.

**Sawyer **must resist the urge to comment on SOMEONE'S stupid and pointless status. *sigh* Still, gotta love a bit of raft-bathing.

**Sawyer **likes Bob Marley.

**Lesley Arzt **is effectively twiddling his thumbs. What a boring and unproductive day. YAWN.

**Jack Shephard - Lesley Arzt **- I'm telling you this because Sawyer will end up jumping in and I am the lesser of two evils… some people are meant to have Facebook. You my verbally challenged friend are not one of them.

**Lesley Arzt - Jack Shephard - **Oh. Is that how it is? I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me with no other alternative….

**Lesley Artz **has poked **Jack Shepherd. **

**Charlie Pace **(8) Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest, laughing back and forth at what the other had to say… (8) LOL :P

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **Who would be who in this instance? And be wise with what you say as I sense you're about to step on a trap.

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah - **You're Robin Hood and I'm Little John. :/ Still, could be worse. Could be Friar Tuck.

**Ana Lucia **is feeling particularly bitchy today.

**Eko **In response to the above… Goody.

**Eko **likes to shake his thang.

**Bernard Nadler - Eko **- I knew it… :P Ooh, I'm getting the hang of this Facebooks thing.

**Ana Lucia **nothing sadder than seeing an old man post a status about accomplishing Facebook. *shakes head* What kind of world do we live in?

**Ana Lucia **likes the Fast and the Furious (movie)

**Claire Littleton **:(

**Shannon Rutherford - Charlie Pace - **Bring my BF back in one piece, or I'm gonna bite you.

**Charlie Pace - Shannon Rutherford - **Kinky. ;)

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail -** Yo, think I left my specs round yours. Wanna bring 'em over. CBA to move.

**Juliet Burke - Mikhail - **He's blocking my door that's why! I've been trapped here for hours!

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus **- I choose… to not listen to Burke. I'm coming over.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke - **I've locked you in there for a reason, Juliet. You were out of control. You tried to kill me.

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus - **As you may recall, you started it! You were watching a game and I asked you about a certain rule and you told me to get back to the kitchen where I belong. SEXIST PIG!

**Benjamin Linus **some people do not appreciate a joke. *sigh*

**Sawyer **is currently watching Michael assaulting Jin just because he wouldn't re-enact the whole flying scene from Titanic. LOL! I think the kid is debating whether suicide may be the better option in all this.

**John Locke **is webbing the surf. Yeah, you heard me right. Wanna make something of it?

**Jack Shephard **and seven others like this.

**Rose Henderson **likes God and having faith. 

**Rose Henderson **is enjoying the beautiful sunshine. Would love to know how to make one of those cute smiley faces everyone else seems to use.

**Charlie Pace **is regretting this whole debacle of a mission. It's been a NIGHTMARE from start to finish.

**Sayid Jarrah: **Lol. ^^

**Mr Friendly: **Is gonna have to take the boy :P

**Richard Alpert - Mr Friendly -** Pervert.

**Richard Alpert **has scored 85 points in Island Tetris. Can you beat **Richard Alpert's **score?

**John Locke **this sounds like a challenge I could actually do! :D

**Danielle Rousseau **and **Charlie Pace **are now friends.

**Danielle Rousseau - Charlie Pace **- Sorry. :( Didn't mean to kidnap your friend's baby. I'm just so lonely.

**Charlie Pace **has sent **Danielle Rousseau **the link Circle of Trust: A Lost Counselling Service on .

**Kate Austen **is wondering who has spammed her inbox with prison pictures. :/

**Edward Mars **LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL :D

**Jin Kwon **Michael is acting strange. Fear for my life.

**Sun Kwon - Jin Kwon - **I warned you going on that raft would scar you for life! Did you listen, oh no! Men's ears simply do not function unless it relates to sports or… BEER!

**Jin Kwon - Sun Kwon -** Get back to kitchen. Lol.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Juliet Burke **has created the page Sexist Jokes are NOT funny! 

**Kate Austen **and three others have joined the group Sexist Jokes are NOT funny!

**Leslie Arzt **huh. Blew up today.

**Sawyer - Leslie Arzt - **OMGROFLMAO! THAT IS THE MOST HILARIOUS STATUS EVER!

**Leslie Arzt - Sawyer -** I wasn't joking. I really did blow up.

**Sawyer - Leslie Arzt - **I know! That's what's so funny! XD

**Jack Shephard - Kate Austen - **So…. S'up? We had a moment today. Think we should hook up?

**Kate Austen - Jack Shephard - **Oh we do. But not just yet.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen - **Oh… really? :D When?

**Kate Austen - Jack Shepherd - **Well, first of all, me and Sawyer will hook up. And be filthy rich and sexy by the way. But it won't work out. You and Juliet - don't ask me who she is, the name just came to me - will hook up and have the beautiful kids. But then we ditch those two and that's when you and me get together. We'll have Sawyer's money and Juliet's kids, and getting custody will be easy because of Juliet's drinking problem. See! I've thought it all through XD

**Jack Shephard - Kate Austen - **Wow…. Wait, a second, what about Charlie? He's, like, the glue that holds us together.

**Kate Austen - Jack Shephard - **I don't want to go into the whole thing but… we have words and I kill him.

**Jack Shepherd - Kate Austen -** O.o.

**Charlie Pace **is very amused by certain people's conversations. XD

**Benjamin Linus - Kate Austen - **You just made the hit list, Austen. You won't know who I am for a while but I'm gonna raise hell after what you just said!

**Juliet Burke **would welcome that life compared to the life she's living now. *sigh* Bored….

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke -** YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE BOREEEEEED!

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace -** You got my baby back! OH I LOVE YOU! SENDING HUGS AND KISSES YOUR WAYYYYYY!

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Sawyer **has just been shot. WTF? I'm going to KILL Michael.

**Michael Dawson **WALLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTT! Ma boy. Ma boy…. *sobs*

**Sawyer **has taken the quiz How screwed are you right now? and has gotten the result Very.

A friend of yours jinxed the whole damn trip and now you're pissed. Yeah, you may have somehow ingeniously hacked into Facebook and made this quiz your own, but you're still pissed. And wondering how the hell you've managed to come back onto Facebook despite the fact you're in the water…. O.o…

**John Locke **and twenty others like this.

**Walt Lloyd **is wondering what the hell just happened?

**Vincent **afiajdklklasjfkasnamdn

**Facebook **you didn't really expect a dog to be able to type did you?

**Sawyer **as if the dog has an account. ROFL!

**Claire Littleton **is so impressed with **Charlie Pace** for rescuing her baby. No…wait… Aaron. He has a name now so I can stop calling him the baby.

**Sun Kwon **he has a name? WOOP! XD

**Kate Austen **how lazy are you? Aaron is the first name in the baby book! YOU LAZY, INCONSIDERATE PARENT….

**Kate Austen**'s account has been deleted due to abusive and crazy behaviour. Although we expect she'll crop up using a different name somewhere…

**Jack Shephard **is gutted. GUTTED!

To be continued….


	8. Horrific Hatches & Hurley's Hunger

_Horrifying Hatches && Hurley's Hunger_

* * *

**Benjamin Linus **HAS WALLLLLLLLLLLLT. *crickets chirp* Okay, so only Michael can get away with that?

**Mikhail **and seven others like this.

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail** - MIKHAIL! YOU BOOB. WHY MUST YOU KEEP LIKING EVERYTHING I EVER PUT? EVER? YOU MADE ME GO INTO CAPITAL MODE AND YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M IN CAPITAL MODE. L

**Mikhail **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus **right… where's my gun?

**Sawyer **is soaking wet and has just been shot. I think this is what they call karma. I shoot a polar bear, and then I get shot.

**Hugo Reyes **is very hungry. I'm off to find some fooooood, dude!

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus **has added Benjamin Linus and Michael Emerson to his list of inspirational people.

**Richard Alpert - Benjamin Linus **aren't they one and the same person?

**Richard Alpert **has changed his relationship to married to **Jacob.**

**Richard Alpert - Benjamin Linus -** You son of a …. !

**Katherine Austen **has joined Facebook.

**Katherine Austen **is now friends with **Jack Shepherd **and seventeen others.

**Katherine Austen **is back baby! Woooooooooooooooooo!

**Jack Shepherd **TAKE THAT REPRESSIVE FACEBOOK AND ALL IT STANDS FORRRRR!

**Katherine Austen - Jack Shepherd - **Yeah… don't get carried away, Jack. I'm celebrating, not gloating. Don't get me banned again, or I'm joining twitter and making up a random name so you'll never find me. *evil laugh*

**Desmond Hume **is feeling like today might be a good day…. ARGH! BURGLARS IN THE SKETCHING ROOM!

**John Locke - Boone Carlyle **- Yo. Where is you? We is missing your spooky updates.

**Shannon Rutherford **doesn't know what to do with a dog. Do you walk it? Honestly, I'm actually so confused with my life right now. :/

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **I see you.

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah - **Dude, we've been on ONE trek together. Well…two. No need 2 be clingy.

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace -** Dude? Sounds like you and Hurley have been hanging out for too long. LOL.

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah - **Somehow, I don't see you as a LOL kind of guy. More of a ROTFLMAO kind of guy.

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **OH DEAR GOD! WHAT IN THE NAME OF SATAN'S BOTTOM IS THAT WORD? IT LOOKS SO WRONG ON ALL KINDS OF LEVELS!

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah - **It means rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace - **That offends my religion.

**Charlie Pace **has created the event Offending Sayid's religion.

**Sayid Jarrah - Charlie Pace **- May I just remind you this is how wars are started?

**Charlie Pace **votes we start an island war!

**Hugo Reyes **likes this.

**Sayid Jarrah **is off to tan up again. I can't be dealing with children today. ROTFLMAO…. No. That looks too scary. I will stick to LOL.

**Claire Littleton **loves the fact it's sunny!

**Katherine Austen - Claire Littleton **- It's always sunny.

**Claire Littleton **doesn't like it when people rain on her parade. :/ That's my mood gone sour.

**Ana Lucia **BOOM! Let's get moving peeps. Bernard was talking in his sleep again and I got no shut eye. This day is gonna be hell for everyone.

**Eko **and two others like this.

**Michael Dawson **Right. My pain in the backside son is gone. I would celebrate but logic dictates I have to show fatherly concern and yell after him. So… WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLT! Get your ass on FB!

**Hugo Reyes **has a craving for chocolate ice cream. Any chance the forecast for today is chocolate ice cream showers?

**Jack Shepherd **and twenty others like this.

**Jin Kwon **OTHERS! OTHERS! OTHERS!

**Claire Littleton **likes astrology and Titanic.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton -** that movie made me laugh. If you watch it backwards, it's about a ghost ship rising from the dead and saving lots of people's lives.

**Claire Littleton **is refusing to speak to a certain BRITON because he slated her movie and made a mockery of it. L

**Sawyer **and six others like this.

**Michael Dawson **has added Martin Luther King and Will Smith to his list of inspirational people.

**Michael Dawson **likes the group Being a person is too complicated. Time to be a cat.

**Walt Lloyd **is getting to watch his ninja turtles and have hot chocolate! Wow. This is the best kidnapping in the world. These men know their audience. :P

**Michael Dawson **dislikes this.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke -** Want to come watch a rom-com with me? I've got popcorn ;)

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus - **I'm still barricaded in here. So… I'm going to take the high road and tell you to STFU.

**Benjamin Linus - Juliet Burke - **What does that mean?

**Juliet Burke - Benjamin Linus -** Google it. You'll get a pleasant surprise.

**Benjamin Linus **just googled what STFU means and is now sad. L

**Richard Alpert **and seven others like this.

**Mikhail **has achieved 78 points at Island Scrabble. Can you beat **Mikhail'**s score?

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail -** I'm confused. What is the difference between island scrabble and regular scrabble?

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus -** You play it on an island?

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail -** I see. That is the worst comeback in the world. Go over to Fail Island.

**Mikhail - Benjamin Linus - **We have a fail island?

**Benjamin Linus - Mikhail - **….No. But now I've had that idea, I'm gonna make one! :P

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke - **Yo. Where be you? You kind of disappeared. You better not be in that hatch. Are you? Are you dead? Where the FLUFF are you?

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd -** Come get me.

**Jack Shepherd ***sigh* is off rescuing people. God help me….

**Katherine Austen **is at the hatch.

**John Locke **is at the hatch.

**Charlie Pace **Aaron is soooo cute! I love babies.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace -** PACE! Stop ogling my baby. You want one, go get pregnant.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton - **I can't. I don't have the body parts to do so.

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace **- That's no excuse.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton -** LOL!

**Desmond Hume **has been discovered! Hallelujah! :D Now, it's my time to look sexy, like Clint Eastwood. Where be-eth my gun-eth?

**Jack Shepherd - Desmond Hume - **yeah… that sounds like Clint Eastwood. *rolls eyes*

**Hugo Reyes **is actually starving. I'm going to waste away to nothing!

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes - **MUST. REFRAIN. FROM. INSULTING….. CAN'T. DO. IT.! FATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Hugo Reyes **some people never do change.

**Mikhail **YES! Got triple word score with FRUITY.

**Richard Alpert **has changed his relationship status to single.

**Katherine Austen **has added crime and murder to her list of interests.

**Sawyer - Katherine Austen - **Miss me, Thelma? :P

**Katherine Austen - Sawyer- **Who are you again? LOL.

**Sawyer **has poked **Katherine Austen. **

**Charlie Pace **has a dirty little secret. And no it's not in my pants.

**Sawyer **and twenty others like this.

**Michael Dawson **okay, so we've just been completely ambushed. I think our masculinity got taken down by a few notches. :/

**Eko **we have caught some others. This is good.

**Ana Lucia - Eko **- Your status updates bore me.

**Eko - Ana Lucia **- Your mother bores me.

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia - **BOOM! Now THAT'S a comeback. LOL. I LOVE THIS GUY!

**Ana Lucia **No comment. I hate you all. Oh, damn that was a comment. GO AWAY. YOU DIDN'T READ ANYTHING!

**Eko **likes the group A penguin can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a penguin.

**Jack Shepherd **just kicked some ass in the hatch. Oh, and there's some scary end of the world type of button in there. But I'm too manly to push it.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd - **there isn't a part of that sentence I'm not lol-ing at.

**John Locke **I reckon I should get FAITH tattooed across my head. Thoughts?

**Walt Lloyd - John Locke - **Do it! It'll look so cool!

**Katherine Austen - John Locke - **You are so weird. I actually don't get you.

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke - **Stop trying to out-man me! YOU CAN'T HAVE A TATTOO!

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd - **Don't tell me what I can't do, Jack.

**Benjamin Linus **has added sarcasm (fluent) to his list of languages.

**Juliet Burke **it's very hard listening to a song like 'downtown' when you're stuck inside. I hate **Benjamin Linus.**

**Richard Alpert - Benjamin Linus - **I see your plan to win over Juliet is doing well. Lol.

**Benjamin Linus - Richard Alpert - **You suck.

**Sayid Jarrah **has created the event Watching Charlie's Head Get Stuck In the Sand.

**Charlie Pace - Sayid Jarrah -** Now you're just being out of character and silly.

**Sayid Jarrah **-** Charlie Pace -** I've watched all the CSI programmes. I can make your death look like an accident… and yes, I am aware we are on an island with no chance of rescue ever coming but still!

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace - **Did you slate Sayid's favourite movie too? :P

**Hugo Reyes **is bored of being hungry. Have promptly resorted to nibbling on my own shirt. Getting some strange looks as a result.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes -** ROFL! I love it! Only you would do that!

**Ana Lucia -** Is still in a mood. Go figure.

**Bernard Nadler **would like to congratulate his fellow friends on not having killed **Ana Lucia **yet. That kind of self-restraint has to earn us a medal.

**Ana Lucia **likes this.

**Ana Lucia **has poked **Bernard Nadler.**

**Hugo Reyes **and three others are now attending Watching Charlie's Head Get Stuck In the Sand.

**Charlie Pace **THIS IS NOT A REAL EVENT. I AM AT THE CAVES FOR A START.

**Sayid Jarrah **methinks kidnapping may be in order here. Lol.

**Shannon Rutherford **ever have one of those days where your bf is too busy plotting evil schemes and making random FB events to hug you?

**Claire Littleton **and three others like this.

**Boone Carlyle - John Locke -** Boo. Miss me, sweetheart? ;)

**Boone Carlyle **I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE…. WOOOOOOOO!

**John Locke - Boone Carlyle -** YES. NO ONE FOLLOWS ME AROUND ANYMORE. IT SUCKS. IT MEANS I HAVE FAILED AS A LEADER.

**Michael Dawson **and **Ana Lucia **are now friends.

**Jin Kwon **OTHERS! OTHERS! :O

**Sawyer - Jin Kwon **- We heard ya the first time. Learn English.

**Jin Kwon - Sawyer -** You racist. I hit you.

**Michael Dawson **and **Sayid Jarrah **like this.

**Hugo Reyes **likes peanut butter and burgers.

**Sawyer - Hugo Reyes -** I sense a food theme going on here. :P

**Mikhail **LOL. Just watched my cat fall into a bin. There's a Youtube sensation right there.

**Benjamin Linus** likes this.

**Sawyer **has added pirate, English and sarcasm (fluent) to his list of languages.

**Sawyer **not sure pirate's a language but hey, who cares?

**Ana Lucia **is pretty sure she's as gay as a leaf.

**Eko **has just facebook raped **Ana Lucia. **This is what happens when you are bored and need to vent.

**John Locke **has a purpose again. Hurray!

**Boone Carlyle **likes The Vampire Diaries (TV Show)

**Jack Shepherd - Katherine Austen - **We had another moment. Think we are going to hook up 4 sure.

**Katherine Austen - Jack Shepherd - **Keep dreaming, white boy. You ain't touching this, until you have frizz.

**Jack Shepherd - Katherine Austen - **WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

**Katherine Austen - Jack Shepherd - **I'm not sure….

**Hugo Reyes **ah. Found grapefruit. GET IN MA BELLY!

**Charlie Pace **and six others like this.


	9. Gritty Grammar & Hellish Hackers

_Gritty Grammar && Hellish Hackers_

* * *

**Jack Shepherd **likes the group not pushing da button cuz u iz hard.

**John Locke - Jack Shepherd -** That group is incredibly offensive…on so many levels. *angry face*

**Jack Shepherd **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd - John Locke - **What are you, the Grammar police or something? Lol.

**Michael Dawson **isn't liking this bitch **Ana Lucia **very much. Might end up shooting her if I don't get back to sunbathin… I mean, searching for Walt. :P

**Walt Lloyd - Michael Dawson **- I see how it is. Fine. Don't rescue me. I've nearly finished Tom's collection of Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles anyway.

**Mr Friendly **DAMN IT. Facebook, you ruin my life! Where's the delete button?

**Benjamin Linus **has added bunnies, being awesome, and the magic box to his list of interests.

**Benjamin Linus **a magic box eh? Methinks that will be a useful tool to use into manipulating people into doing what I want. Or else a good thing to write about and later post on fanfiction dot net under a assumed name of course. LMAO.

**Juliet Burke **likes The Hobbit, Carrie and 1984.

**Ana Lucia **WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING FACEBOOK RAPED IF YOU CAN'T DO IT BACK? EKOOOOOOOOOO WHAT IS YOUR PASSWORD?

**Eko** would be smirking if he allowed himself to smile.

**Claire Littleton **Yawn. Didn't get much sleep last night. But it's day [insert number] of being a mother and I still love it! :D Aw, Aaron just stretched! Bless.

**Benjamin Linus - Claire Littleton -** OMG. You're going to be one of those annoying mothers who updates the world on her baby's movements aren't you? DON'T CLOG MY NEWSFEED ABOUT A BABY I DON'T CARE ABOUT! WHEN IT GROWS TWO HEADS, OR TURNS GREEN, THEN I'LL BE INTERESTED.

**Sawyer **and twelve others like this.

**Benjamin Linus **right that's yelling at a new mother I can cross off my evil list. Now I just need to steal candy from a baby, rob a bank, and make a callous remark after a tragedy.

**Mikhail **and six others like this.

**Desmond Hume - Jack Shepherd - **Did you get the PC fixed brother? I have no idea if the world survived… I'm living in a cave.

**Jack Shepherd - Desmond Hume - **OMG! ARE YOU OSAMA BIN LADEN?

**Desmond Hume - Jack Shepherd **- yes, Jack. I shaved my beard, moved to Scotland, borrowed the accent, avoided getting detected, somehow managed to hire a boat and ended up on this island. Douchebag.

**Sawyer **and 48 others like this.

**Charlie Pace **has listed **Liam Pace** as his brother.

**Charlie Pace - Liam Pace **- I know you never go on this thing. But I'm alive just FYI. :D How old is your display pic? It needs updating ASAP! Love ya xxx

**Sawyer - Charlie Pace -** Just hijacking this comment to lovingly tell you to MAN UP! You disgust me… LOL. You must stop coming over to my tent with baby Huey just 'cause the kid drops dead at the sound of my voice. Him I can stand but you… *snigger, snigger*

**Charlie Pace **likes the group Being a person is too complicated. Time to be a cat.

**Katherine Austen - Sayid Jarrah - **Why are you continuing to harass Charlie? You should be examining this place, with all your technological knowledge. Did I spell that right? :S

**Sayid Jarrah - Katherine Austen - **I only harass Charlie because he sent me a private message with a link. I clicked the link and some guy came up and started singing at me. It took me a while to learn to I had been, as the kids of today say, Rick-rolled.

**Charlie Pace **likes this.

**John Locke **is pushing the button! ;) Yeah, my status updates are going to boring from here on in. lol.

**Libby **likes Mariah Carey and Celine Dion.

**Ana Lucia - Libby **- Is every aspect of your life sickeningly sweet? I only ask because your music collection contains a lack of heavy rock and roll.

**Libby - Ana Lucia -** As if this even matters. We're on an island!

**Eko **likes this.

**Eko** lost his stick. This is terrible. Is off to make another one.

**Eko **likes the group the awkward moment when your stick goes missing and you have to go carve a new one.

**Charlie Pace **is spamming you all!

**Richard Alpert **who is Charlie Pace and why is he telling me about some girl whose facebook status got her expelled? ARGH! THIS SITE MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

**Jack Shepherd - Charlie Pace - **Your spamming broke the hatch computer. Way to go. Oh, crap…you're not supposed to know about that… MUST. DELETE. COMMENT.

**Ana Lucia **likes Aerosmith, My Chemical Romance, and Fall Out Boy.

**Ana Lucia **actually I have no idea who these bands even are. I actually don't like music. It pisses me off.

**Bernard Nadler - Ana Lucia -** Is there anything that doesn't piss you off? Like Hitler maybe? :P

**Sawyer **there seems to be some sort of brawl going on outside our cage. Sounds like Ana Lulu is doing the fightin'. Every time I wanna hate her, she goes and does something hot like that. I'm so conflicted. :/

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer- **You know it ;)

**John Locke **IS WALKING ON SUNSHINE WO-OAH!

**Desmond Hume - John Locke - **Should've warned you the record collection is a bit… well, rubbish lol.

**Desmond Hume **is off to find his constant…. The boat. :P

**Katherine Austen **is amused by **Jack Shepherd**'s attempts to delete the comment he wrote on Charlie's wall. He's deleting every comment BUT the one he wants, how delicious :P

**Hugo Reyes **and three others like this.

**Alex **is bored. BORED. BoReD. bOrEd. So bored I'm finding it amusing to rewrite the word bored in several ways. :P

**Karl - Alex **- Sweetie… GET A LIFE! ;P OOH A GOLD RING JUST FELL IN THE WATER! MY PRECIOUSSSS!

**Alex **knew she shouldn't have lent Karl the entire LOTR collection to read. LMAO.

**Jack Shepherd **has finally mastered FB…. OH NO! THE SCREENS GONE BLACK. :(

**Sayid Jarrah - Jack Shepherd - **Sorry. *snigger* I was just messing around.

**Sayid Jarrah **likes the group messing around with people's computers when they're not looking.

**Aaron Littleton **has taken the quiz How Evil Are You? and has gotten the result 100 percent evil!

You seem to be made of evil! You are cold, malicious and seem to have a bunch of evil schemes up your sleeve at all moments of the day. You make the villains in the movies look like a bunch of soft hearted cowards!

**Benjamin Linus **dislikes this.

**Benjamin Linus **OH COME ON! A BABY IS MORE EVIL THAN ME! IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE IN THE ANGRRRRYYY DOME!

**Mikhail **he's not kidding about that BTW. ;) It's like his second home :P

**Ana Lucia - Sawyer -** Okay, question. Why do you have to be such a jerk about moving?

**Sawyer - Ana Lucia - **Why do ya have to be such a bitch about everything? Lol.

**Bernard Nadler **and three others like this.

**Ana Lucia **the three others who liked that comment were obviously space nerds who've never left their mother's basement. Or they were Others, one of the two.

**John Locke **has added pushing the button and arguing with Jack to his list of activities.

**Claire Littleton **HOW DID MY BABY TAKE A QUIZ WHEN HE'S BEEN SLEEPING ALL THIS TIME? AND WHY IS HE EVIL? :/

**Boone Carlyle **I wonder if hacking a baby's account is really the lowest a man can stoop to :S Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

**John Locke **likes this.

**Jack Shepherd **likes The Simpsons.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd - **WHAT? Is Facebook telling me what I think it's telling me? The doc has a sense of humour? OH. MY. STASH.

**Jack Shepherd - Sawyer **- how little you know about me, Sawyer ;)

**Katherine Austen **likes this.

**Mr Friendly **likes the group No mutual friends? So that's a no to Mohammed…. 

**Mikhail **is wondering why he's receiving so much hate mail just from my Youtube vid of my cat falling into a bin :S I'll never understand the internet.

**Benjamin Linus **and six others like this.

**John Locke **is pushing the button. Again. :P Fun times.

**John Locke **has added the Swan Station to his list of work places.

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah - **Hey… What ya doing? :P

**Sayid Jarrah - Shannon Rutherford - **Um… talking a walk. Why? Are you in trouble?

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah - **No, silly. Just wanted to see what you were up to. Miss you.

**Sayid Jarrah **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus **has just kicked a daffodil! How's that for evil? MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Danny Pickett **Missus made me watch Titanic again. Don't know why. I just keep getting angry at that stupid iceberg and then I need a "time out". Something about anger issues or whatever…

**Mikhail **likes this.

**Claire Littleton **okay, I'm clearly a terrible parent. :(

**John Locke - Claire Littleton - **This might be considered insensitive but… I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW!

**Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace - Claire Littleton - **I'm sorry, luv. Didn't want to push my boundaries, I just wanted to help. :/

**Claire Littleton - Charlie Pace - **I know. I just need to figure this stuff out on my own, ya know? My horoscope said something about someone betraying me so I hope no dark secrets come tumbling out of the bag…

**Facebook **famous last words…. LOL.

**Jack Shepherd **likes The Rolling Stones , Aerosmith and five other pages.

**Sawyer - Jack Shepherd - **No Bob Marley? :P

**Desmond Hume **OMG. OMG. Penny has FB. I don't know how to react other than to faint. So I shall.

**Charlie Pace **(8) Well, I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I built my life around you. (8)

**Sun Kwon - Charlie Pace **- You play really well, Charlie :D I love that song.

**Jin Kwon **can play no instrument. Damn that Charlie.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Alex - Juliet Burke - **You know where dad is? I want to sneak over and ask you something.

**Juliet Burke - Alex - **Word of advice: your dad has both me and you as friends on here. You might want to try the private messaging feature instead of posting your plans on here where everyone can see.

**Benjamin Linus **likes this.

**Alex **Damn it! Gotta run!

**Benjamin Linus **likes the group seeing a status blatantly aimed at you and liking it.

**Jack Shepherd **is flashbacking to the end of his marriage. Help!

**Katherine Austen **dislikes this.

**Katherine Austen - Jack Shepherd - **You were married? Why am I finding this out now? WE NEED 2 TALK MORE!

**Jack Shepherd **wishes **Katherine Austen **would stop shouting her statuses aloud, particularly when I am right next to her!

**Sawyer **and 12 others like this.

**Ethan Rom **is back baby! Now time to dislike everything that damn midget boy has ever written in the history of ever.

**Sayid Jarrah **is awesome with computers. I should be a professional hacker or something lol.

**Shannon Rutherford - Sayid Jarrah - **Sayid… WHAT DID YOU DO?

**John Locke **this should be a reality show. We cud call it Push the Button lmao! Or better yet, make it a game show! I am so smort.

**Sawyer - John Locke - **On behalf of my fellow Facebookers… smort?

**John Locke - Sawyer - **SHUT UP. THEY KNEW WHAT I MEANT.

**Sawyer - John Locke - **Well, yeah, but that's kind of eradicated the point you were trying to make. :P

**John Locke **suddenly hates computers.

**Charlie **what the hell? Came back to find I have 100 notifications? What the hell? I shall ignore them and read the email Sayid sent me… Seems interesting.

**Sayid **snigger, snigger….

**Charlie - Sayid - **DAMN YOU, SAYID! NOW I HAZ A VIRUS :/ DAMMMMN YOUUUUUUUUU

**John Locke **STOP THE GRAMMATICAL MADNESS! *FLAILS* WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH THOUSANDS OF YEARS WORTH OF EVOLUTION JUST TO REACH THE POINT WHERE WE MAKE UP WORDS AND MISSPELL THINGS JUST TO LOOK COOL!

**Sawyer - John Locke - **Chillz ya beans man. We iz all good, ya? Dis is da way of da net, ya got it dawg? :P

**John Locke **doesn't want to live on this planet anymore.

* * *

**A/n: Okay, this may have got off the point of Lost several times, but hell you're fantastic reviewers, so I think you'll bear with me :P your reviews are awesome. Thank you so much. This was originally just going to be a one-shot, just to test the waters, and now it's on chapter 9. Awwww you guys! LOL :P**


	10. Sad Statuses & Bored Boys

_Sad Statuses && Bored Boys_

**Charlie Pace **likes The Fray and Lifehouse.

**Ana Lucia **carrying a near enough dead guy is stupid. Whose moronic idea was this? Remind me to club 'em to death.

**Libby **likes this.

**Sawyer** dislikes this.

**Sawyer **that's the power of facebook. I'm too ill to walk, but sneaking quick statuses on my mobile is something I'm capable of doing. LOL.

**Jack Shepherd – Katherine Austen –** I saw you playing golf earlier. You fail at it. Want me 2 teach u how to play properly? Only men can play golf. Women try…but they fail.

**Katherine Austen **has poked **Jack Shepherd.**

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shepherd –** Okay, just for that blatantly sexist comment, I challenge you to a game. Just the 2 of us. Winner gets bragging rights.

**Jack Shepherd **has created the event Jack Shepherd & Kate Austen's Golf Bonanza 2004.

**Katherine Austen **is attending Jack Shepherd & Kate Austen's Golf Bonanza 2004.

**Katherine Austen **men and their stupid titles!

**Charlie Pace **and **Hugo Reyes **like this.

**John Locke **is reading a bit of Dickens. Get me! :P

**Jack Shepherd – John Locke –** Yeah, right… You're probably reading the computer manual, trying to find out how to get us all pushing that damn button.

**John Locke – Jack Shepherd –** THERE'S A COMPUTER MANUAL? :D:D

**Desmond Hume **is actually starting to grow a beard. This is actually not happening. A bit of stubble, fine, but a full on beard is just taking the piss.

**Jack Shepherd **and six other friends like this.

**Eko **is fed up of all talk and no action. I'll get the scraggly haired man to their doctor.

**Sawyer – Eko –** The utter cheek! Least I have hair. You look like a…. *struggles to come up with a comment that isn't racist* BANANA.

**Eko – Sawyer – **Unimpressed with your comeback. The lord will smite you down for your less than witty remark. Laugh Out Loud, as the young people say.

**Sawyer **doesn't know whether to laugh at Eko's attempt at getting down with the kids, or try and sneak a glance at that hot chick Lulu… So, I shall do both!

**Shannon Rutherford **swears she's seeing that Walt kid. GRRRRR! WHY WON'T ANYONE BELIEVE ME? I'm not, like, Rousseau or anything. :/

**Danielle Rousseau **is not crazy. However, I have, in fact, just accidentally swallowed a fly. And I am now choking… This isn't going to help my plans in finding Alex.

**Hugo Reyes **is like really hungry. I mean, really hungry.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo Reyes – **WHAT'S NEW, FATTY? :O OMG! I totally just had a Sawyer moment. Oh dear LORD! :/ I am so sorry…

**Sawyer **I AM CORRUPTING THE INNOCENT. MUHAHAHAHAH! Oh, damn…that cough totally just ruined my evil laugh. STUPID INFECTION. GO INFECT THE FAT ONE!

**Katherine Austen **Gonna beat the crap out of the Shepherd! :D And not just for women everywhere, but because…he isn't that bad looking actually :P

**Jack Shepherd **In response to the above comment… giggity. :D

**Sayid Jarrah – Shannon Rutherford –** Shannon…. I believe you! ;D come back and stop all this crazy, insane, not believable talk.

**Shannon Rutherford – Sayid Jarrah –** NO! When you get your ass off of fb for one damn minute, maybe you can still catch up to me in the pouring rain.

**Sayid Jarrah **Bye facebookers. I'm off to run after my girlfriend. :D

**Charlie Pace – Sayid Jarrah – **WAIT! I NEED TO CREATE AN INAPPROPRIATELY TITLED EVENT FOR THIS MOMENT! SAYID? SAYIDDDDDDDDD?

**Jack Shepherd **is practicing golf y'all! :D

**Hugo Reyes **has found some ranch dressing! This party has officially started LOL.

**Ana Lucia **erm….whoops. Accidentally shot some chick. Didn't turn out to be an Other as I first suspected. This is gonna be a hellish day. *insert angry/broody emoticon here*

**Sayid Jarrah **:( This is a sad day… A SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD DAY….. SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD DAY!

**Hugo Reyes – Sayid Jarrah – **Dude, what happened?

**Sayid Jarrah **cannot answer any of your messages right now as he is currently being held hostage by me. Love Ana Lucia xx Well, actually this is Libby, as Ana Lucia would never write this type of message. P.s don't shoot the messenger. I'm actually quite nice.

**Charlie Pace – Sayid Jarrah –** NO! NO SAYID = END OF THE WORLD. :( I'm actually quite sad about this.

**Ana Lucia **IS PANICKING! PANICKING! What is one supposed to do when they've accidentally killed someone? Any advice?

**Sawyer – Ana Lucia – **Yeah, chief… YOU DON'T KILL THEM! Or…. Youbuild a time machine and go back…and kill a dinosaur. Cause that's just a more epic thing 2 do, ya know?

**Ana Lucia – Sawyer – **You? You're supposed to be dead!

**Sawyer – Ana Lucia – **Am I not? Hmm…..

**Charlie Pace **and three others like this.

**Shannon Rutherford **it sucks to be dead. I hate it. **Boone Carlyle **make me come back to life. NOWWWW!

**Boone Carlyle **and the winner of the Up On Her Own Arse award goes to… What am I, a miracle worker? If I could raise people from the dead, **Shannon Rutherford, **do you think I'd be stuck doing this island gig? Hell no. I'd be on Ghost Whisperer, or Medium, or….a crappy ghost sitcom. And I've just bored myself to sleep. ZZZZZZZ!

**Sayid Jarrah **and **Sawyer **like this.

**Jack Shepherd **isn't happy when he loses! How am I getting beaten by a girl – and a very hot girl at that?

**Katherine Austen **likes this.

**Sayid Jarrah **has nothing to say :( Not even poking Charlie repeatedly could cheer me up.

**Sayid Jarrah **has poked **Charlie Pace.**

**Charlie Pace – Sayid Jarrah -** :( Sorry bud. Wait a sec. Got something which might make you feel a bit better.

**Charlie Pace **has posted the link to the video The Lion King – Hakuna Matata on **Sayid Jarrah**'s wall.

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace –** That song was cute… when I was FIVE. Now…well, I kinda wanna cry cause Mufasa was cool… but that song is annoying!

**Katherine Austen – Sawyer –** I'm gonna take you aside later and explain to you all the reasons why that sentence is wrong. But, for now, you might b interested 2 know I'm whooping Jack's butt at golf.

**Sawyer **likes this.

**Benjamin Linus** hates the internet. Seriously. I HAVE NO USE FOR POP UP ADS! ESPECIALLY ONES THAT TRY AND HOOK ME UP WITH LADIES IN MY LOCAL AREA! WHO THE HELL IS INTERNET DATING HERE?

**Juliet Burke – Benjamin Linus – **Um, I am. Simply because I want a man who can KICK your ass and get me out of here!

**Benjamin Linus – Juliet Burke – **RIGHT! NO NAKED SCARF DANCE FOR YOU!

**Juliet Burke – Benjamin Linus –** That would be a TERRIBLE punishment. *rolls eyes*

**Benjamin Linus **likes the group locking ur bird up because ur a tip top bloke and you don't want 2 lose her.

**Juliet Burke **dislikes this.

**Ana Lucia **okay….am not feeling a damn thing here. This accidentally killing people business actually takes it out of ya!

**Michael Dawson **why am I being used as a go-between? This SUCKS! I want my holiday… I mean, to find Walt! *shifty eyes*

**Danielle Rousseau **likes Moving to Yemen to get out of a relationship.

**Charlie Pace – Danielle Rousseau – **Didn't take you for a FRIENDS fan! Wow! :D

**Danielle Rousseau – Charlie Pace –** What? No, I actually had to do this once. :S

**Charlie Pace **some people are SO weird! *backs away* LMAO.

**Mikhail **is watching a rerun of Dallas. Yeah…my afternoons are really exciting these days. :L Someone give me summit to do!

**Benjamin Linus – Mikhail – **GET A JOB!

**Shannon Rutherford **I can't even haunt people? What the actual hell? What's the use being a ghost if all you do is float about, being white?

**Sawyer – Shannon Rutherford –** That's the general gig, love. And, I think I just used a word that midget Charlie used. Damn.

**John Locke **has achieved the score of **90 points** in **Island Tetris. **Can you beat **John Locke**'s score?

**Sawyer **has added **Bob Marley **to his list of inspirational people.

**Libby – Sawyer –** I'm confused… Are you ill or not? You seem to be on FB a lot, and if you're too ill to even walk, you should be too ill to go on FB 2! *angry face*

**Sawyer – Libby –** On the contrary, Moonbeam, I'm very ill. So ill I'm spending my last seconds on facebook with the people I love. :(

**Libby** –** Sawyer – **Aww, I'm sorry. I'll stop nagging you now.

**Sawyer **shouldn't really feel bad about lying to Miss TalkTalk but…I AM AWESOME! I AM THE GOD OF LYING! :D

**Katherine Austen **currently beating Jack :) That'll teach him not 2 be arrogant and say sexist things.

**Ana Lucia **has sent everyone away. Can't be doing with their pitiful glances. I am a lone wolf. HOWWWWWWWWL! 2 be honest, the impression wasn't really in aid of anything, and now the prisoner is just staring at me, wondering whether I've gone genuinely mad. Maybe I have….

**Danny Pickett **the missus is making me listen to ABBA again. Please, shoot me.

**Benjamin Linus – Danny Pickett –** I can see you dancing, Pickett! Don't deceive the world of Facebook! Colleen is actually working right now, so you are a BIG FAT LIAR! I can hear you singing Dancing Queen! :L LOL!

**Danny Pickett **has created the poll **Will switching to playing Busted make me cooler?**

**Benjamin Linus **has voted **Hell No** on the poll **Will switching to playing Busted make me cooler?**

**Benjamin Linus **y'all can blame Juliet for my bitchy mood today.

**John Locke **has played every damn game on FB. Starting to get bored of this crap now.

**Juliet Burke **has voted **Don't listen to Ben **on the poll **Will switching to playing Busted make me cooler? **

**Jack Shepherd **well….just lost at golf. :P but it's all good. Me n Kate r going in the woods now to fetch the ball… We'll c what happens there :P

**Sun Kwon** is missing **Jin Kwon.**

**Jin Kwon **likes this.

**Sayid Jarrah **is FREEEEEEEEE! But still sad. :(

**Shannon Rutherford **BOOOOOOOONEEE! Sayid is sad! I want to be aliveee!

**Boone Carlyle **okay, spending eternity with you is scaring me. I'm gonna block you for a bit, is that okay? KTHANKXBYE.

**Boone Carlyle **has added **Sayid Jarrah **to his list of inspirational people.

**Sayid Jarrah – Boone Carlyle – **Um….why?

**Boone Carlyle – Sayid Jarrah – **FOR PUTTING UP WITH SHANNON! SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! *crazy faced emoticon*

**Claire Littleton **has enjoyed a peaceful day with monkey face :) He's been such a good boy 2day.

**Sawyer – Claire Littleton – **It would make my ENTIRE YEAR if you were talking about Charlie :P Were you?

**Claire Littleton – Sawyer – **Blatantly not LOL. But yeah, he does kinda have a monkey face, right?

**Charlie Pace **dislikes this.

**Sawyer – Claire Littleton – **Not so much a monkey's face, as a monkey's ass. OOH, BURN! ROFLMAO! :D

**Libby – Sawyer – **Okay, you're clearly taking the piss now…. NO MORE TALKING TO YOUR SHOULDER 4 U!

**Katherine Austen **okay….a surreal moment just happened. One minute, me and Jack are innocently walking through the woods, and then a giant comes up with Sawyer on his shoulder! WTF?

**Sawyer – Katherine Austen – **There's no such thing as an innocent walk through the woods! Oh, and btw, just love the fact I, once again, have interrupted a "moment" between u n Jacky boy! LOL.

**Jack Shepherd **dislikes this.

**Ana Lucia **feels dead inside. Alright, so this isn't a happy-go-lucky status. SCREW YOU FOR THINKING I'M A HAPPY PERSON!

**Jack Shepherd **and twelve others like this.

**Eko **has done his bit to help. Now time to relax and carve some bible scriptures on my stick.

**Charlie Pace **likes The Rolling Stones, Status Quo, and six other groups.

**Jack Shepherd **just had an awkward stare down with a woman I briefly met at the airport bar…. What a screwed up day!

**Ana Lucia **just had an awkward stare down with a man I briefly flirted with at the airport bar. As if my life isn't screwed up enough!

**Sayid Jarrah **likes this.

**Colleen Pickett **has voted **Hell No **on the poll **Will switching to playing Busted make me cooler? **

**Danny Pickett **thanks for the input Facebook! *displays sarcastic flag* You all officially suck. I have put on Busted anyway so NYAAAHHH! OH NO! POWER CUT! WHYYYYYYY?

**Benjamin Linus **snigger, snigger….

* * *

**A/n: Thanks for all the reviews! WOW! 103 reviews! I am so blessed! :D I'll try and update this when I can but got a lot of other stories to finish lol. Oh and for those wondering when I'll announce the winners to my contest, I'm just waiting for one entry to come in and then I'll announce the winners! ;D**


	11. Plentiful Pokes & Exhausting Euphemisms

_Plentiful Pokes && Exhausting Euphemisms_

**Benjamin Linus **has created the poll **How Awesome Am I?**

**Juliet Burke – The Others' Community – **FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO ONE ANSWER!

**The Others' Community** and **Benjamin Linus** are now friends.

**Mikhail **has answered **extremely awesome** on the poll **How Awesome Am I?**

**Juliet Burke – Mikhail –** Could you be much more of a kiss ass?

**Jack Shephard** Is trying 2 fix Sawyer y'all!

**Charlie Pace **Why? Leave him broken LMAO! If anything, it'd b an improvement.

**Sawyer** has poked **Charlie Pace**

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Sawyer**

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Jack Shephard**

**Charlie Pace – Jack Shephard** – Sorry! Got overexcited and overpoked LOL.

**Jack Shephard – Charlie Pace –** Major fail! BUT NOW FOR NO REASON AT ALL I WILL B DECLARING WAR ON YOUR ASS!

**Jack Shephard** has poked **Charlie Pace**.

**John Locke **is getting bored of pushing the button. Who wants a friendly game of FIREBALL? ;P

**Eko** and three others like this.

**Sawyer** has poked **Charlie Pace**.

**Ana Lucia** is thinking this camp is kinda crazy. Golf courses? Water troughs? WHAT KIND OF CRAZY ASS PLACE IS THIS?

**Charlie Pace – Ana Lucia –** Um, a civilized one? :P

**Jack Shephard** has taken the quiz **What kind of bug are you?** and has gotten the result **caterpillar.**

You initially appear to people as a slow mover, stubborn even. You don't appear to get anywhere fast, and on first glance you don't appear to be anything special. But one day you'll make a great change, and people will take notice. As the butterfly is nature's biggest surprise, you will be the biggest surprise in some of your friend's lives. Make the most of the changes in store for you.

**Sawyer – Jack Shephard –** Dude, what the bug? LOL! I cracked a funny ;)

**Jack Shephard – Sawyer –** On what planet could that be considered a _funny?_

**Katherine Austen **Not to, um, stir the pot or anything…but Jack has Sawyer in the shower…. *waits for dirty inappropriate jokes to form themselves*

**Hugo Reyes** and twenty three others like this.

**Libby** Settling into this camp nicely. :D People seem friendly so far…

**Ana Lucia** dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace** likes this.

**Desmond Hume** day whatever of not shaving – the beard has grown. And I've grown inexplicably fond of this pen I found… OH PENNY! *sobs* :( :(

**Michael Dawson: **Just twiddling my thumbs… looking at holiday brochures… SEARCHING FOR WALT! …. In that order LOL. :P

**Ana Lucia** likes being a miserable bitch.

**John Locke **OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….I PREDICT A RIOT! ;) Just 'cause I'm generally awesome at predicting everything else. Rain… people… other such stuff…stuff. :/

**Boone Carlyle** and six others like this.

**Jack Shephard:** The temptation to just not help Sawyer is just too great. But unfortunately fixing things obsessively is in my nature. DAMN YOU ME!

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shephard –** Damn, you made me spill my juice when reading that! Lmao!

**Jack Shephard – Katherine Austen – **Why are you drinking the juice? YOU SHOULD BE FIXING ME A SANDWICH, WOMAN!

This comment has been flagged on the grounds it is both sexist and hilarious.

**Claire Littleton **has changed her display picture.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton –** Awwww. It's you and Aaron! Bless….

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace –** Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious… Nickname copyrighted from Sawyer.

**Sawyer** I'm dying… but still… must… get….angry.

**Sawyer** has poked **Claire Littleton**

**Danielle Rousseau **likes the group going to bed with wet hair and waking up looking like Hagrid.

**Sayid Jarrah – Danielle Rousseau –** I'm confused. I know nothing much about the world of Larry Trotter, or whatever that wizard's name is, but isn't that your normal hairdo?

**Jack Shephard** and six others like this.

**Benjamin Linus** Is bored! Nothing exciting has happened in over six minutes! :(

**Juliet Burke** It's hard to figure out how to help pregnant women when you're locked in a room surrounded by posters of the Muppets…

**Benjamin Linus – Juliet Burke –** HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ON FACEBOOK? HOW DAREEEEE YOU! WHY YOU'RE AS LOW AS… DARE I SAY IT?... _ANIMAL?_

**Juliet Burke **kind of wishes Ben actually got the point of an insult… :S

**Eko** needs three more neighbours on **Islandville** to gain access to **The Barracks**. Can someone help **Eko** out?

**Sawyer** in response to the above… NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's a waste of time and resources… cough! COUGH!

**Jack Shephard – Sawyer –** You fail on epic proportions. Just for that, I'm going to hide this pencil somewhere in your body. I won't say where though…

**Sawyer – Jack Shephard –** 2 questions… 1) why the hell do you have a pencil? And 2) unless you're doing surgery on me – to which I'd say go screw yourself – how would you be able to hide a pencil in me?

**Jack Shephard** has poked **Sawyer.**

**Sawyer** has poked **Jack Shephard**

**Jack Shephard** has poked **Sawyer**

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Ana Lucia**

**Eko** okay. Things just got trippy – as the kids would say. Why is there a Virgin Mary statue here? -_-

**Sawyer** has poked **Jack Shephard**

**Katherine Austen** is seeing horses! WTF?

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace –** CHARLES PACE. GET THY ASS HERE NOW. YOU ARE IN TROUBLE. Damn caps!

**Hugo Reyes** Blimey. It's all kicking off on FB 2day. I think I'll sit quietly here with my fruit friends….

**Charlie Pace – Hugo Reyes –** Not even gonna ask mate… LOL.

**Desmond Hume** dear diary… WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I BLOODY NEEDED YOU? … Oh, right…Sold it for whiskey. Drink of the devil. :/ My life is so screwed up, and it doesn't help there's this noticeable penny in the corner of the boat… OH PENNY! :'(

**Jack Shephard** likes this.

**Charlie Pace** :( I really screwed up.

**Eko – Charlie Pace – **Yes. Now repent and come and show me where you found these statues! And if you create an inappropriately titled event I'll…

**Charlie Pace** has created the event Eko & Charlie Go Down to The Woods Today 

**Eko** *sigh* ….

**Eko** is attending the event Eko & Charlie Go Down to The Woods Today

**Katherine Austen** is relieved she isn't insane. And yay! **Sawyer**'s all better :D Happy days are here again!

**Jack Shephard** dislikes this.

**Sawyer** likes this.

**Jack Shephard **has created the event Mourning Sawyer's Quick Recovery

**Sawyer** has poked **Jack Shephard**

**Sawyer – Jack Shephard –** That was just spiteful, doc. :P

**Hugo Reyes** wants to poke someone. Seems like fun….

**Hugo Reyes** has poked **Sawyer**

**Sawyer – Hugo Reyes** LOOK FATTY. I'VE GOT MULTIPLE POKING WARS GOING ON. DON'T MAKE ME STEAL YOUR OREOS.

**Hugo Reyes** is actually scared… *lip wobble*

**Charlie Pace** BLACK SMOKEEEEE! :( And what does Eko do? He stares at it rather than run. The stupidly heroic fool…. *shakes head*

**Eko** damn straight…

**Sawyer** and two others like this.

**John Locke** **- Eko-** Welcome to the club! XD we have cookies :P I heard that somewhere….

**Jack Shephard** I'm bored now I have nothing to fix.

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shephard – **Come hang out with meeeee! :)

**Jack Shephard – Katherine Austen – **Can't :(Just got an update that we need to randomly need to run into the jungle and try and get Michael back? I didn't even know he'd left 2 be fair…

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shephard –** Cool! Can I come?

**Jack Shephard – Katherine Austen –** NO! You need to stay and be Eve! ;) Seriously, don't disobey me and, like, run after me. It'll be my unofficial break up with you if you do.

**Katherine Austen** screw being Eve! :/ Why's Jack gotta be so… Jack?

**John Locke – Jack Shephard – **Lemme come, Jack! He did lock us in the hatch together ;)

**Jack Shephard** now feels completely dirty. :/

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shephard –** Oh, so Locke can come and I can't?

**Jack Shephard – Katherine Austen –** He has photos, Kate. PHOTOS! In court, I'll look like an OAP molester. :/ I CAN'T GO THRU THAT AGAIN!

**Sawyer – Katherine Austen – **Don't worry, Freckles. I'm tagging along 2. :P You ain't missing out on much.

**Claire Littleton** Why is Kate screaming in anger and trying to destroy Sawyer's tent? :/ I'll never understand these people…

**Hugo Reyes – Claire Littleton –** Join the freakin' club! :P

**Mr Friendly** heehee. We caught ourselves a lost boy. Now to set my plan into motion *rubs hands with glee*

**Benjamin Linus – Mr Friendly –** Steady on there, Dr Evil. Your orders are to scare and chase away, not go hogging the limelight! THAT'S MY JOB!

**Charlie Pace** is utterly pissed off. :/ NO FACEBOOK, I DO NOT WANT TO TRY THE FRIEND FINDER. AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME, I HATE EVERYONE.

**Katherine Austen – Charlie Pace –** Doesn't sound like you… SAWYER!

**Sawyer – Katherine Austen –** I'm offended. Someone sounds like me and you automatically think I'm hacking accounts. THE VERY IDEA!

**Boone Carlyle – Sawyer –** Yeah… It's not like you've been doing that all the freakin' time or anything…

**Sawyer** has poked **Boone Carlyle**

**Eko** likes The Bible.

**Libby **is enjoying the sunshine :) Why does everything have to be so negative all the time? Might do a bit of washing later…

**Claire Littleton** is actually seething. I actually feel so betrayed.

**Eko** likes the 23rd Psalm.

**Sawyer **likes knowing everybody else's business

**Jack Shephard – John Locke – **Look, I know we are hiking together, but that doesn't mean you get to put stupid notes on my back when you think I'm not looking!

**Sawyer** snigger, snigger….

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Shannon Rutherford**

**Charlie Pace** DAMN IT! I miscalculated my poke…

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace –** THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! WOOOOOOO!

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer –** Forgive me for another euphemism, but I knew that was coming.

**Sawyer** and five others like this.

**Shannon Rutherford – Charlie Pace –** DON'T POKE ME, TWERP!

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Jack Shephard**

**Jack Shephard – Charlie Pace –** DUDE! I'm busy trying to look manly and get Michael back… I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR INCESSANT POKING WAR!

**Jack Shephard** has poked **Charlie Pace**

**Michael Dawson** is captured. Damn. Oh, well, gives me a break from yelling Walt all the time. LOL.

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson –** There's nothing about that sentence which doesn't offend me.

**Michael Dawson** likes this.

**Katherine Austen** Damn. Got myself captured. Guess my sneaky plan to follow Jack wasn't the better option. *sigh*

**Jack Shephard – Katherine Austen –** YOU WHAT? OH FOR THE LOVE OF - !

**John Locke** this is fun! I'm having a wonderful time!

**Sawyer – John Locke –** Shut up! This is terrible. I hate everyone on this trek.

**Jack Shephard – Sawyer –** Quit whining. It's dark, we've walked for ages, and we're all tired! SHUT THE HELL UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

**Sawyer** dislikes this.

**Mr Friendly – Jack Shephard –** Helloooooo :) Welcome to the line you should never cross! Ever.

**Jack Shephard** FML!

**Sawyer** this should break the monotony a little…

**John Locke** should've stuck to my crossword really….

**Benjamin Linus** Gonna switch off this Friends re-run episode… Why do they have such a good looking cast? Why don't they have a me on it?

**Juliet Burke** Kill me. Kill me now… :/

**Benjamin Linus** likes being the more attractive one in the relationship.

**Mr Friendly – Jack Shephard – **want your girl back? DROP YOUR WEAPONS! :) [Insert some other cliché action line here]

**Jack Shephard – Mr Friendly –** Can we consult?

**Katherine Austen – Jack Shephard –** JACKK!

**Jack Shephard – Mr Friendly –** Fine. We'll drop our weapons. The weapons we needed. The weapons we were going to whip your ass with. The weapons which on this island are the equivalent to money. Thanks Kate.

**Sawyer** LEAVE KATE ALOOOONEEEE! Ooh, I sense a Youtube moment here….

**Hugo Reyes** and six others like this.

**Katherine Austen** likes being of no use whatsoever in a hostage situation

**Jack Shephard** god, what a complete waste of a day! F. M. L!

**Charlie Pace** I come back from my epic trek and see my bags are packed. :( Dunno what's greater – the sense of failure, or the urge to sing Leaving On A Jet Plane.

**Hugo Reyes – Charlie Pace –** Dude… That sucks.

**Charlie Pace – Hugo Reyes –** What the song, or the situation? Actually, don't answer that...

**Claire Littleton** (8) Don't cry to me, if you love me, you would be here with me. Don't lie to me, just get your things, I've made up your mind… (8)

**Sun Kwon** likes this.

**John Locke** Judging by the amount of depressing statuses on here, I reckon there'll be a lot of gloomy faces in camp tonight. :D Not meeee… I was useful!

**Jack Shephard** dislikes this.

**Charlie Pace** where do I go from here? :/

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace –** down the beach. Away from me. LOL!

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer –** thanks for the input. I feel so much better now. NOT!

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Sawyer**

**Sawyer** has poked **Charlie Pace**

**Sawyer** well this has been a pokeductive day… HA! ANOTHER FUNNY! I AM JUST BRILLIANT!

**Everyone** dislikes this.

**Sawyer** aww… man!

**A/n: Okay I know the events in this chapter are all mixed up but well, that's what AU and parodies are for. :D Thanks for all the reviews. You are really awesome for taking the time of day to leave me a little comment :D thanks!**


	12. Fierce Frapes & Tiresome Tagging

_Fierce Frapes && Tiresome Tagging_

**Katherine Austen** has changed her name to **Kate Austen.**

**Charlie Pace** is having really weird dreams. REALLY weird. :/

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace –** Yeah, I once had this dream where I was kicking your ass... Ah...good times :P

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Sawyer**

**Sawyer** has poked **Charlie Pace**

**Jack Shephard** is chatting with **Ana Lucia** :D We iz having good times on the beach y'all.

**Ana Lucia – Jack Shephard –** There isn't a part of that sentence which didn't offend me. HOW DO YOU TAG PEOPLE ANYWAY? I want 2 know so I can specifically tag those who ruin my day.

**Michael Dawson** has added running and being a ninja to his list of interests.

**Walt Lloyd – Michael Dawson –** The running, I get, but being a ninja?

**Hugo Reyes **:D That Libby chick seems pretty cool.

**Hugo Reyes** crap...did I just post that?

**Hugo Reyes** okay... I'm officially going to bury myself in the sand now.

**Libby – Hugo Reyes – **Hey :)

**Hugo Reyes – Libby- **you're like totally hot. We should make pudgy blonde babies on the beach :D

**Libby – Hugo Reyes –** Hey to you too Sawyer :L

**Hugo Reyes – Libby –** What gave me away? :P

**Libby – Hugo Reyes –** Um, I don't think Hurley has ever said anything like that in his life. Can you please go back on your account? Its really disconcerting posting on Hurley's wall when I'm really talking 2 u.

**Hugo Reyes – Libby –** Fine. Porky doesn't have a vivid imagination when it comes 2 passwords anyway. For those who r curious, his password has something 2 do with food. Big surprise :P

**Jack Shephard** and twelve others like this.

**John Locke** has added hunting and being a ninja to his list of interests.

**Ana Lucia **and two others are now playing Islandville

**Eko** likes this.

**Eko** excellent. More minions to do God's work on the island. Smiley face.

**Sawyer – Eko –** Yo, you don't write the words smiley face. You make one, like so :)

**Eko – Sawyer –** The Lord knows I'm smiling on the inside.

**Ana Lucia **likes this.

**Charlie Pace** has just had the WORST moment ever. Woke up to find I'd kidnapped Aaron. :( Sorry **Claire Littleton.**

**Claire Littleton – Charlie Pace – **Unless my slap was too subtle for you, that was me uninviting you to any future awesome events I might create.

**Charlie Pace – Claire Littleton -** :( I would've come up with AWESOME titles for said events too... FML! :/

**Sawyer** likes this.

**John Locke** is now in a relationship with The Hatch

**Eko** and thirty others like this.

**Charlie Pace – John Locke –** How does one have a relationship with a hatch?

**Claire Littleton – John Locke –** Um...okay...

**Jack Shephard – John Locke –** You'll never work as a couple. It's 2 bizarre.

**Michael Dawson – John Locke –** Um...? I guess we no longer live in an age where relationships are solely between ppl... Bizarre.

**John Locke** I'd love if this was true, but alas... SAWYER!

**Kate Austen** Is there a FB account Sawyer has yet to frape? :S I fear for my own...

**Ana Lucia – Sawyer –** If I was a cop, I'd arrest you for hacking. But then I'd release you cause that was FREAKIN' amazing! :)

**Sawyer – Ana Lucia -** :D I live to please :) Beats conning thats for sure. More entertaining.

**Benjamin Linus** has tagged **Mikhail** and **Richard Alpert **in the album Other Adventures...Geddit?

**Richard Alpert – Benjamin Linus – **I get it! :D When was this even taken?

**Benjamin Linus – Richard Alpert –** I have 2 much free time on my hands, so I set up random cameras everywhere to capture any moments we share :D

**Mikhail – Benjamin Linus –** It looks like I have no eyes :(

**Benjamin Linus – Mikhail –** Oh, grow up. At least we're not calling you Mike Wazowski. If you dare ask about that, I swear I'm cancelling movie night.

**Mikhail** time to use the power of Google...

**Claire Littleton **has set her relationship status to It's Complicated

**John Locke** has created the event Watching Out For Crazy Charlie.

**Charlie Pace** dislikes this.

**Walt Lloyd** cannot believe he's been allowed internet privileges & yet rather than get help, he's spending time on FB :O

**Benjamin Linus** and seven others like this.

**Hugo Reyes** has just read what Sawyer put as me... I seriously doubt we'll all be sane by the time we're rescued.

**Desmond Hume** I'm bored. And I lost the penny. OH PENNY! :'(

**Charlie Pace** FUMING. AS IF I GOT PUNCHED BY THAT BALD WANKERRRR!

**John Locke – Charlie Pace – **PWNED! Oh, and don't act all innocent. You did set fire to the camp and try and drown an infant. These are facts.

**Claire Littleton** remind me never to trust a man again. EVER.

**John Locke – Claire Littleton –** Not even meee? :(

**Claire Littleton – John Locke –** Not even you. Don't worry... This will all blow over in a few eps.

**Jack Shephard** well, this has been an eventful night to say the least. :/ **Charlie Pace** what were you thinking?

**Kate Austen – Charlie Pace –** WE STILL LOVE YOU!

**Charlie Pace** has created the event Sulking Until Further Notice

**Desmond Hume – Charlie Pace –** Is that event happening now brother?

**Charlie Pace – Desmond Hume –** Yes... Now bugger off.

**Desmond Hume** has is now attending Sulking Until Further Notice

**Boone Carlyle** gee... everyone who is still alive is having more fun than me :( Now would be a gr8 time for a random haunting to occur lol.

**Sayid Jarrah – Shannon Rutherford – **Miss you :(

**Shannon Rutherford** is technically still dead. Apparently heaven still has facebook. Interesting...

**Sawyer** **- Charlie Pace –** Yo, chief. Better ways to get ur point across than setting everybody on fire & stealing babies. Follow me in2 the jungle & I'll explain...

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer –** No. Last time I followed someone into the jungle, I ran into Smokey the Smoke Monster. Not happening.

**Sawyer – Charlie Pace –** There's heroin disguised in Virgin Mary Statues in it 4 ya.

**Charlie Pace – Sawyer –** Done. But first, let me create an inappropriately, but hilariously, named event. Kind of my thing :P

**Sawyer** *sigh*

**Charlie Pace** has created the event Sawyer & Charlie's epic adventure

**Sawyer** is attending Sawyer & Charlie's epic adventure

**Ana Lucia** has tagged **Libby** and **Eko** in the album Random Pics

**Libby – Ana Lucia –** Didn't think tagging was your thing. Awesome pic though.

**Ana Lucia – Libby –** Oh, I've only just begun the fun that is tagging *cue evil laugh*

**Ana Lucia** rant, rant, moan, moan **Jack Shephard** needs 2 bring me more booze. ;)

**Jack Shephard – Ana Lucia –** Grow up ;) What would you do for me if I got you booze?

**Ana Lucia – Jack Shephard -** ;) build you a sandcastle :P

**Jack Shephard – Ana Lucia –** Okay... Who is this really? I've never seen Ana use a smiley before...ever.

**Ana Lucia – Jack Shephard** – You'll have to guess... :D

**Jack Shephard – Ana Lucia –** It's not Sawyer... I've checked. Kate?

**Ana Lucia – Jack Shephard –** BINGO! :D Heya :)

**Jack Shephard** can people stop fraping each other really? It's so confusing! Who is who?

**Ana Lucia – Kate Austen – **Stay away from my account bitch! :(

**Kate Austen** has poked **Ana Lucia**

**Eko** and sixteen others have started playing The Sims 2 Castaway

**Benjamin Linus** has changed his profile picture.

**Benjamin Linus** I'm not strictly Dr. Evil, but we are practically the same person.

**Mikhail** and three others like this.

**Claire Littleton** misses a certain somebody. :( But, ah, well. Time to move on. Ocean looks really pretty tonight :D

**Walt Lloyd** has achieved 100 points on Island Tetris. Can you beat **Walt Lloyd**'s score?

**Jack Shephard** do people not talk anymore? :S

**John Locke **needs three people to help build a raft on IslandVille. Can you help **John Locke**?

**Sun Kwon – Jin Kwon –** Love you :D xxx

**Jin Kwon – Sun Kwon –** Love you too, you piece of hot ass! :D

**Sun Kwon – Jin Kwon-** SAWYER!

**Sawyer** when will people stop being so surprised at what I'm doing? :P I never learn ;)

**Kate Austen** has poked **Sawyer**

**Jack Shephard** has poked **Sawyer**

**Sun Kwon** has poked **Sawyer**

**Hugo Reyes** has poked **Sawyer**

**Libby** has poked **Sawyer**

**Ana Lucia** has poked **Sawyer**

**Jin Kwon** has poked **Sawyer**

**Sawyer** STOP WITH THE MULTIPLE POKING WARS... I. CAN'T. COPE! WAHHHHH!

**Charlie Pace** has poked **Sawyer.**

* * *

A/n: Apologies that I haven't updated this in ages, just been uninspired in the Lost department :) hope this makes up for it :)


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